Sunday, December 11, 2005

Splutter! Splutter! Choke! Gurgle!

Those strangled cries of outrage and dyspepsia, Dear Reader, are the predictable reactions from the ranks of the freepers et al (no, I'm not providing a link. even I have some standards. find them yourself, if you insist. and Al, too, whoever he is) over--what else?--Brokeback Mountain.

I haven't seen it yet. I'm excited about it, but not quite as much so, I suspect, as my friend fastlad, bless him. Anyway, I haven't seen it yet, will probably go later this week. Meanwhile, though, I'm just enjoying the squawking about how awful it all is, where o where have our standards gone. Men touching! Men kissing! Men playing grab-ass without even a manly football to provide an excuse! Where will it all end?

And of course the part that's most upsetting is that they're not just any homos, they're COWBOYS. GAY COWBOYS. "Sodomite cowboys," I saw that one somewhere amid the foaming class boards, that was one of my favorites. "Hard to believe." It is, isn't it. Personally I make a point of believing six impossible things before breakfast each morning. Makes life a lot smoother nowadays. Poor little freepers; they didn't stretch and now their craniums are all hurty.

But so my theory is that what's really upsetting these people is, now they don't know what to do with all these stickers:

Yes, that was a real talking point/slogan/loogie last election. No, they weren't being ironic.

Well, we already know that Bush is manly and real. Real manly. Real real.

("Oh came and you gave without takin'..."

...sorry. wandered off for a second there. havin' a thing. okay, back now).

Anyway, if you have any of these freepers* (*used here as the generic term for a Type, Dear Reader) in your life, gentle with them. They're feeling kind of fragile right now. Just nod and smile patiently, the way you would when your four-year-old is having a wee meltdown because some heartless seven-year-old told him about the Easter Bunny. (Or, you know, holler, smack them, or throw them out the window, or whatever it is you do--look, I'm not the parenting expert here, OKAY?)

Also? You may want to wait a bit before you break it to them about the Village People. That "YMCA" is such a fun, peppy tune for sporting events and parties, after all...

Swoon. My hero.


fastlad said...

i admit that i've been just a teensy bit, well, elated to acknowledge the arrival (at last) of this film.

is that SO wrong?


La Gringa said...

I can't wait to see the damned thing!!!

catlebrity said...

those stickers are great! ha!

duffer said...

fastlad, you've been dribbling w elation...