A moment of clarity

The following comment, found in the ongoing discussion here, just threw a switch for me. And yes, this is still the argument over whether radical feminists should accept trans women as women, much less let them into the clubhouse, so I'm going to leave the reply worded as it is. Nonetheless, I think, you know, you could substitute a number of other specifics here wrt the community in question as well as the thing/population that is being adamantly rejected here. (For example: I think the "War On Christmas" works according to similar principles. You may have your own examples)

The quote:

“I want the ability to be with like-minded individuals and only like-minded individuals.”

Sure, we all have affinity groups. Sociology talks a lot about such things. There's always a point of friction where the boundary comes up -sometime-, at -some point.- Ruptures happen. Lines are drawn. Connections are broken. It happens everywhere. Not trying to say it doesn't.

But here...well, it interests me, because it's coming up at the same time that the argument is supposedly y'know that they're going for this expansive sisterly communion, radical feminism (by the lights of people like this) is all about Class Woman, all 3+ billion of us, you know, we are strong, we are powerful...which is why the stakes are so high, because it's a -universal- movement, not just another little political faction or clique.

AND at the same time, there is an insistence that the -real- danger that transfolk pose to the women-only space is that they threaten the "safe space."

Safety.

This is, in fact, what's on the table; this is what's being so passionately defended when the author (and others) start talking about "radfemphobia" as a counter to the term "transphobia" (which is simultaneously being rejected and mocked as invalid).

“I want the ability to be with like-minded individuals and only like-minded individuals.”

The response:

Here’s a question: why? And, what do you mean by that exactly?

Because that’s very telling, to me. You’re not even really interested in mystical sisterly communion, much less political effectiveness, so much as being around people who you don’t have to argue with. Like, at all.

“Birds in their little nests agree…”

I hate to be the one to break this to you, but: even if you do manage to purge your community of all dissenters on transpeople (much less the transpeople themselves), sex work/prostitution, femme accoutrements, BDSM, and so on and so forth, there’s -still- going to be something that’ll tear you apart. Does. Hell, I can see it happening from here. Yeah, it happens to everyone, we all have fights, often over stupid shit, but y’all…I gotta tell you, from where I'm sitting? you really put the “fun” back in “dysfunctional.” This goes a good way toward explaining why.

It’s, like, a -betrayal,- isn’t it, when your “sister” suddenly turns out to be, -not- an extension of yourself, but -a completely whole other person-. -Different.- This isn’t what you signed up for! You came for the merge! This was supposed to fix everything! Why, it makes you feel so, so…*alone*. Again. And terrified.

Welcome to life.

Welcome to adulthood.

There -is- no “safe space” in this world that’s gonna be safe enough, if that’s your criteria.

You know what really makes a space safe, relatively speaking, ime? Trust. Acceptance. Compassion. Even, dare I say, tolerance.

And sure, everyone -asks- for those things. Even you. Hell, sometimes -demand- it.

But, if you really want a -community-, and not just a clique or some other c-word? You have to give a little to get a little.