Thursday, March 23, 2006

It occurs to me

that I'm angry.

I was going to write a nice, well-thought out series of posts on What Sex Positive Feminism Means To Me, and I still plan to. Eventually.

But right now I feel on the verge of a massive rant which I sense it isn’t completely about what it seems to be about, but: right now what it SEEMS to be about is a deep, slow-burning anger at…women. Particularly certain supposedly lesbian and/or feminist women. Mainly because it seems to me that for wimmin-lovin-wimmin, some people sure do go on and on about MEN MEN MEN. Particularly the ones who aren’t het or bi, I find this weird; and lately, no doubt because of my own stuff, increasingly aggravating. MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN!

Oh, sorry, not men, the PATRIARCHY. The SYSTEM. (invented by and largely maintained for the pleasure of MEN, but, still. Not about Men, per se). As in, women are complict in it, too, so, sure, okay, let’s talk about women for a while. Specifically, the ways in which they are victimized by and/or contort themselves to please MEN MEN MEN! Ain’t it awful.

--Oh, look, here comes another self-styled Radical Feminist (tm) and her Radical Feminist BOYFRIEND, he heaps more sackcloth and ashes on himself and his own disgusting, control-freakish gender than anybody, so, please, ladies, clear the floor and let’s hear his opinion about what MEN think of women, and the ways in which they shouldn’t contort themselves to please nasty piggish MEN anymore, because we all know the outrages that MEN commit, or are thinking about committing in their filthy little minds, and how awful it is, all these poor women who somehow can’t seem to get out of that unenlightened, patriarchal, man-focused, sex-obsessed (because those things inevitably go together, sex and men, like chocolate and peanut butter only apparently not delicious, even if there are no actual men involved) mindset, and did we mention MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN??? Just so’s you don’t forget: they do horrible things to women. A lot. MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN MEN!!!!!

(whereas we women are inherently more peaceful and full of the sisterly love, particularly once we have begun the endless, gruelling work of purging ourselves of the patriarchal toxins, and oh my God, you're not seriously wearing those shoes, are you? You like WHAT in bed? What the hell is wrong with you? I mean, besides the patriarchal contamination, which has clearly gotten to you even worse than the rest of us. Don't you know that those spanking and bondage games you're playing out with your girlfriend are all about abuse and hierarchy, which were invented by John the Patriarch in 703 B.C., and plays right into male rape fantasies, which I'm now going to describe in great unappetizing detail? By the way: I'm only telling you this for your own good).

And, well, no shit, sherlock, but, y’know, at a certain point I just. don’t. want to HEAR IT ANYMORE. Right now, I don't want to hear any more about all the things and all the MEN that you heartily disapprove of; after the first 40,000 volumes of the Catalogue of Horror, one begins to get the point.

N.B., and just so we're clear: this rant is not directed at the cock-lovin' women (or men, for that matter) out there who love, celebrate and/or objectify the boyz; by all means, follow your bliss.

But me, I don't (usually) sleep with men, and while God knows I love my boy pals, I don't ultimately care what men think of me as much as I do women...and you know, I suspect that this is also often true even of women (feminist or otherwise) who are not Sapphically inclined.

It hurts. A lot. What women can do to each other. And yet somehow it's easier to just blame the men...I mean, the patriarchy.

I swear to Christ if some people woke up and walked out their door tomorrow and the world had miraculously been transformed into a peaceful, egalitarian, non-patriarchal (whatever the fuck that’s actually supposed to look like, even vaguely), hell, even 100% men-free place, they wouldn’t know what to do with themselves. What do you do when there’s no one left to blame anymore, and all the fighting's over? Well, let’s see, there’s always SEX, with WOMEN, even–oh, sorry, pursuit of sex is frivolous and inane. Quick, better go build another MAN out of sticks, and set fire to it.

…and, you know, even this, too, the ranting and blaming in my own turn, is a lot easier than just coming out with “say! I quite like pussy! My own, and other pussies as well! I think I’ll go out and find some nice girl who also likes pussy, and particularly mine!



Howard said...

Not that it means as much as if it came from a woman, but I quite like this post. And agree with it. I'm certainly sending it to the couple of women friends who have complained about the same thing.

belledame222 said...

Cheers, and your affirmation still means a lot, thanks.

Jean said...

Ah, you're awesome, bd. I'm pushing around a post like this in my head, but you've probably already done it better.

belledame222 said...

Oh I dunno; I'd certainly like to hear your own take on this, Jean. The more the merrier, God knows. I've just: Had It.

Amber said...

:) I feel your rantiness!

I wrote a post about sex positive feminism a while back, but it still didn't come out exactly the way I wanted it to... lots of misinterpretation, some of it seemingly purposeful. I get tired of trying to explain myself after a while and just (virtually) walk off in a huff.

zeebah said...

I'm with you. "Say, I quite like pussy!" I think that's going to be my new catchphrase!

Alex Barreto said...

God. I feel that way about so many of the little dichotomies in our American lives. Black v. White. Woman v. Man. Gay v. Straight. You inevitably end up keeping your foil (be it another person, a group of people, or a social force) in power by constantly blaming and attacking it. So why bother, after a certain point? That's the next level of society, I'm sure of it. A true age of Aquarius. But first we're gonna burn in a hell of greenhouse gasses.

r@d@r said...

you are all like totally wearing a superhero costume in my mind and stuff, for writing this.


not because i had any particular axe to grind, mind you - i don't - i just love, love, LOVE it when people speak their truth forcefully.

kactus said...

All I can say is that you and I must be on the same page right now. I just wrote a post before I came here that loosely touches on some of the same things. It's frustrating as hell.

Anthony Kennerson said...

So...a certain pair whose blog is dedicated to a certain wood-chomping rodent got to you, too..ehh, BD??? heheh ;-)

Brava for that blast,'s more than overdue.



belledame222 said...

Them, among others. actually covered those two, or at least the boy part, before. unfortunately, it's not just the frootbats.

Bitch | Lab said...

i'd meant to tell you that i loved the rant. it really reminded me of how true it is, that so much of it is oriented at men, and never about exploring who we, as women, are -- in a healthy way.

Bitch | Lab said...

the latest I read that came up in my reader:

Don't. Ever. Have. Kids. They might be "free" labor, but it ain't worth it. For the price of three kids, you can hire one housekeeper for three times the efficiency and without the temper tantrums.


More on this later, though. I was so spitting nails mad yesterday when I saw it but there was so much going on, I dropped it.

belledame222 said...

fwiw, I thought I remembered seeing that one (in passing) and understanding it as posted by a parent being wry about the parenthood experience. If it wasn't, obviously that makes the jokiness a bit different, of course.

belledame222 said...

...and duh, I see what you mean wrt the casual allusion to "hire a housekeeper;" was focused on the "breeder" aspect for a moment there.