GET! OFF!! MY! PHONE!!!!!

Glenn "Ask Me About My Crawlspace" Beck's latest meltdown doesn't exactly help to inspire...confidence.

But it did at least inspire some tasty beats.

Cake, or Male Infanticide?

(We're out of cake).

First of all, blame mandos for this. He's been enabling my rubbernecking habit like whoa by deposting these links in unrelated posts. Sort of like my cat would have brought me dead mice if he were any good at mousing. The cat, that is. I've no idea how good mandos is at mousing. Presumably they're more difficult targets than The Eternal Moonshine Of The Wadfem Dwama. And this first source in particular is like the dead mouse with hantavirus.

Nonetheless. I had to look. And now, apparently, before seven days go by, I have to share, or Sheila Jeffreys comes out of the television and eats my brains. Therefore:

http://aroomofourown.wordpress.com/2009/05/17/am-i-crazy/

Am I Crazy?
2009 MAY 17
by Margaret
I will rank the following three scenarios, options, if you will, in order of my preference:

Male infanticide.
Female infanticide.
Females continue living as males’ slaves.
Of course, these are not the only three options available, though they do seem to me to be the options most likely to occur with any lasting *effect* (with full recognition that numbers 2 and 3 concur).

But, yes, I believe male infanticde to be the best of those three options. That is to say, I believe male infanticide to be a *better* option than the current circumstances. That doesn’t speak to what I might feel the *best* option would be. I only mean to put into perspective my stance on male infanticide, given its invocation in the comments of another post. I think it’s better than what we’ve got.

Note that I also feel that female infanticide is a better option than being born into patriarchy as it stands, as well.

I just happen to think it’d be better if the males were the ones dying, rather than that the females be the ones dying *and* suffering.

You have to admit, at least she screwed her courage to the sticking place and -said- it. If saying shit that most people find repulsive and WTF? isn't radical, what is? Huh? As Lady Macbeth notes:

I would, while it was smiling in my face,
Have pluck'd my nipple from his boneless gums,
And dash'd the brains out.
Bite they little heads off,
Nibble on they little feet...

...no, wait, sorry, that's from Hamlet. Anyway, Lady M's probably not all that great a role model on account of she was created by a male author and was in it for her husband's ambition, thus a tool of the Patriarchy and not a true Revolutionary, despite her admirable fighting spirit. (The fact that she's fictional shouldn't be held against her; after all, it's not like the OP being quoted here isn't actually a cartoon).

Right, so. Meanwhile, not very far away, also brought to you courtesy of mandos, there's a new (apparently) dude on the block.

http://thelongestwar.wordpress.com/

Unlike most men, I admit I started this physical life as a female fetus, like all human fetuses do, also born of a woman like all human beings are.* Also, I’m embarrassed to be a man with all the societal privilege manhood entails. Hence, this blog. It soothes my conscience**...

... To end man’s war against womankind may take men not just doing laundry and ending non-sexual violence, but practicing celibacy as a commitment to not exploiting women. Real celibacy, not what Catholic priests pretend to do. Unless men wise up and take better action, Mother Nature might just wipe men out and leave women with procreative parthenogenesis. Life will go on, with or without men.

I’m proposing celibacy for bi and het-sex men (any men born as men interested in sexual relations with women) as the ground of being to expand male consciousness as a pathway toward real peace. Celibacy for this group of people would mean that no woman would be sexually exploited by any xy-chromosome humanoid while a lasting peace is sought through heightened awareness for all...

...(1) See and (2) Break Free. It’s a simple two-part plan to species unity. I said simple, not easy. But if the war ends in my lifetime, maybe I can start having real sex as a whole human being with another whole human being.

...I can no longer wield my spear in the longest war. Plenty of warriors remain ready. To womankind I would say: In this war, it’s the spear and not your spirit that he’s interested in. To paraphrase a recent title of a book-based movie with a sappy ending, “He’s never that into you (in other than a spear-thrusting way).”

*oh snap, Macduff so was NOT! You missed the ironic part! You should be careful with your turn of phrase, there, sport. Even if you totally don't mind losing the kingdom and the battle and the, um, spear, and all that patriarchal jazz.

**You do that with your left hand or your right?

***

But this guy's so, so, maddeningly close, and yet doesn't quite seem to get there. In the interest of protecting Womankind, he heroically falls on his own, um, spear; he denies us all his essence (although fortunately we still have his bloviations). Which probably means he's not planning to burden the Earth with his spawn, either. He even refers to himself as a former (female) fetus, heaping due guilt upon his own head at having developed the Y chrom and then gone on to take up all that privilege and oxygen...

...and yet, he doesn't quite seem to leap to the logical conclusion that Margie there probably already did, or should have.



We will refrain from mentioning l'affaire B---ng B---r here, just because I don't want to link to anyone who still has that shit cached. But, yes, truth is stranger than AbFab etc, at least in the Land Of The Online Wadfem.

In epilogue: as long as we're speculating about possible parallel worlds, I wonder how much more energy and goodwill I might have had, how many great works of art I might have created, new elements discovered, buildings leapt in a single bound, if every time I'd been tempted to rubberneck at this sort of thing, much less engage, I'd instead just hit this button.

I'm never complaining about the plumbing here again.

Taiwan man sits on can, toilet snake bites trouser snake

*not sure what possessed me to pre-empt NY Post headline. probably my vagina is haunted again.


h/t Man Egee

Lawsuits from the Moon!!

Long as I was lookin' at the PUMAs, I had to check in on the Birfers as well. You remember the Birthers, right? People who still think they can get rid of Obama on the grounds that he was born in Kenya or Canada or both, or Hawaii isn't really a state or they didn't consent to this reality and it's in the Constitution that they don't have to, possibly all of the above. also something about Bigfoot or twelve foot grey aliens or something. They make the PUMAs look downright sober.

So, the details are kind of boring, but the summary, as far as I can make out, is that there's been an implosion in the ranks, and one Head Birfer Dime Store Lawyer is now suing the other one. Good times already, right? Guess how much they're asking for?

"Total payday they're trying to get from the defendants? $5,044,000,000. That's five BILLION, 44 million dollars."

Yah'Rly.

I don't know why I never thought of that. I'm gonna go sue someone right NOW. I figure even if they only give me 1% that's still a cool 50 million right there; and how could they possibly not grant me 1 measly percent? Right? 50 M ought to get me through the rest of Obama's deadly reign, at -least.-

Maybe I'll do my next door neighbor, I'm sick of the loud music on weeknights.

Specter jumps the shark to the Dem side of the aisle, and...

Pat Buchanan sez that the Republican Party is "heavily white," and that this is "problematic."

Next up: Focus on the Family acknowledges that the church may be having some trouble holding onto gay folk.

And the Catholic Church notes they've been having some problems with the ol' glass ceiling.

Uh...

And while we're on the subject of vajayjay problems you didn't know you had to worry about:

(see here for earlier reference)

"YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE. YOUR VAGINA IS HAUNTED."

Best. Review. Evar. Especially since I don't even have to read the original to get the lulz. Be sure to read the comments, too.

h/t thedilettante

clearly, i have missed out on many Classic Films

The upcoming roster at the Castro Theatre has a number of promising offerings. Among the most promising, however, is this last entry during the April 19 "Midnite Madness" presentation:

8:00 LADY TERMINATOR (1988) - Directed by Jalil Jackson
Be ready for the walls of the Castro Theatre to fall during this jaw-dropping, late-80s TERMINATOR knock-off. A female scuba-diving anthropologist is violated by an ancient snake (stolen from an evil sex-witch’s vagina) causing our heroine to go on a gratuitously nude and violent rampage, culminating in the ultimate climax... a hearty chomp from her carnivorous vagina! You will never forget this night, I promise! Preceded by more robust robot trailers. 35mm print. 82min.

The best part? Just a few nights beforehand, they are screening "The Vagina Monologues." Perhaps this was one of the missing monologues.

"I have HAD IT with these motherfucking snakes in my motherfucking vagina!!"

Also see. Or, not.

Hillary Rodham Clinton is a "wild wood elf."

TRUFAX (via, once again, the excellent palinpumawatch):

I don’t know. I think [HRC] could get a lot of work done as SOS, should she accept the position. I wouldn’t like her being under his thumb, but she’s a wild wood elf. No one can control her, only the winds and the rains.

All though I worry that it’s just a way for him to have her in his cabinet a couple of years so he can dump her and then ruin her political career.

It’s funny, because the other night I was thinking about Palin’s interview and how if she runs in 2012 and wins, Hillary could be her SOS. I would like THAT.

...It suddenly hits me that I have no words right now: I am rendered momentarily speechless by this...uhmmm...

...

O.K.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that this is by way of a sincere apology to Hillary Clinton for any frustrated venting I had made in your general direction during the primaries (and was I think largely colored by the early stirrings of these people, although at that stage I truly had no idea of the depth of...this). I think you'd make a fine Secretary of State--although it'd be really nice if you , along with the entire new administration could drop any residual hawkish-on-Iraq (to say nothing of Iran) posturing and get us the hell out of there, k?

..Or any other position of power, really, much as you, like indeed Obama with whom you shared very similar positions on many issues, are not my idea of the perfect candidate. Because, you know, a) who is, really b) consider some of the alternatives. At least you're smart. And y'know, lucid. Unlike, ummmm, some people.

Please try not to choke laughing at the idea of yourself serving under (gasp, wheeze) President Palin, and, well, as for your new fanclub here...dude, I -am- sorry. Even my worst enemy, I would not wish this kind of following. Probably. Anyway, you were never that, whatever else.

And no, need it be said, I don't think you're a frigging elf. I mean, I really -hope- not.

Although I WILL admit that I have always harbored a suspicion that McCain is, in fact, a particularly irascible species of garden gnome.

ETA: And the twee goes on. Via YesToDemocracy:

Hello mountainsong. I just really like your name. it sounds so fresh and revitalizing. it always reminds me of a cool clear stream flowing down the side of the mountain, spraying its crystal drops of nectar on every lucky blade of grass and all the plants within it’s emcompassing reach. Cool, refreshing, clear–washing away all the grime and dirtiness of this election year.

and

All is within…as the great Goddess always whispered in our hearts, reminding us that we are women of Earth Wind and Fire-light of the moon and fire of the sun! We are lovers of men, as well, caretakers of our children, our family ties, and beings of multifaceted gifts and talents. Everywhere we go “the Goddess” is…and Dame Hillary, through the travail of this election has carved a legacy of light and fire…indeed!

I...don't know. I just...don't. Look, I like fanfic as much as the next geek, don't get me wrong, but it's like...if you want to go to Ren Faire, then frigging just go to Ren Faire. Trying to go via electoral politics is just a -really- fucking circuitous route, you know? I nearly said "tortuous." I refrained. Just.

Because, okay, making real people into your personal Mary Sue? Particularly someone as blatantly -not- elfin or damsel-y as HRC? Especially in (I take it) the name of -feminism-? Kind of creepy and weird, I mean once past the general ZOMG -boggle- hilarity of it all. Just saying.

And yes, I think the Obama-as-backlit-Messiah shit is cringey and failtastic, also. They're politicians, people. They're SUPPOSED to be wily and tough and self-serving and full of doublespeak and ultimately disappointing ratbastards. That's their JOB. What one is looking for is the one who is going to be a) sufficiently less of an overall ratbastard than the other ratbastard b) -your- ratbastard, at least a majority of the time. Sorry.

THE POWER OF POSITIVE CLEAR-EYED LESBIAN GAZING! or, UNLEASH THE RADICAL FEMINIST WITHIN

Dammit, Ren, you had to make me look.

Speaking of trainwrecks in progress...the whole tl:dr thing, no doubt, chock full o' erm erraticness, but I was particularly drawn by the touching advice of dear Satsuma in these troubled times.

(oh, follow the link from there)

...I’m from the tough love school for women. It is not popular to say that we are 100% in charge of our own destiny, because this makes women who have fallen through the cracks feel bad. Feeling bad won’t get you anywhere in life.

Women on this blog get mad at success or any woman who thinks this is exciting and challenging. What I have to say, is that my life is a testiment that if you APPLY the wisdom of radical lesbian feminism, and you don’t fall into the trap of ever living with men as an adult, and you throw your mind as far as it will go, you’ll actually have a much better life than all the women who think they need men to prosper. I’m saying you will be healthier and wealthier if you DON’T marry men, live with them or have children.

I’m saying brilliance and cleverness and excitement and accomplishment are what await a true radical feminist.

What pains me here is that women don’t believe this. I think there are a lot of women in the world who are truly afraid of being different. They struggle to fit in everywhere, instead of choosing to live by an inner guidance system or even an inner true light.

Women think other women should fail and suffer. I’m not from that school of thought. I know that education and study advance you, and I know you need no handouts, welfare bureaus or social service agencies to do this. When you leave behind the production machine of patriarchy — which is not factory work, but childbearing, you really are free from personally contaminating patriarchy.

It’s what I find so frustrating here at times, this head in the sand, I don’t give a damn attitude. It’s this worship of poverty and downward mobility, or the belief that a radical lesbian life will not cause you to be better off in the end.

There is nothing worse than reading about women who can’t afford dentists here. Somehow that gets to me the most. I meet women everyday who are already setting themselves up for this. If they have the good fortune of working with me, they’ll do a lot better...

Every time a woman marries a man and has children and quits work in the state of California, puts her at a greater risk than buying a financial stock right now. The risk is that she is throwing about 10 years away from retirement planning, and stands to get divorced at a 50-60% rate. That means she will probably be the sole support of children and her standard of living will drop immediately. This happens every day of the year...

...I found poverty actually dull, and thought that I could do a whole lot better than a lot of straight women out there and have a better life. I think heterosexual women often feel they are superior to lesbians, and think our ideas are utopian.

But I believed in the male free life, and I believed that lesbian feminism led to incredible personal, political and spiritual insights.

It’s what causes me to greatly admire ambitious women. It’s what makes me love gritty women like Sarah Palin, when feminists out there think she is the devil....

...I love smart ambitious women. And there is nothing smarter and more ambitious than women who win high office in politics, and nothing more threatening to women who haven’t risen this far. The irony is the old guard feminists get mad at the Sarah Palins, just because they have personal beliefs that don’t tow a party line. I don’t tow a party line that says be poor, don’t achieve, don’t make a lot of money, don’t have the best in life… that doesn’t go over well. But feminism frees all women, and it comes out looking rather odd. Sarah Palin is a feminist in my book, and she is a fundamentalist christian. How shocking! Maybe a lot of women here simply don’t know how caring and loving fundamentalist christians actually are. Perhaps they haven’t met fundamentalist christians who are lesbian accepting.

You can’t be both right? Well in my opinion, how can you be a free woman if you are living with men and having sex with them. Yuck!! But I am sure feminists here who do this would still think of themselves as feminists, right?

Men don’t trash Palin the way so many women feminists do.

So this contradictory belief may seem mysterious; a love of both Palin and Clinton. Something about their personal struggles I deeply identify with. Something about seeing a woman on stage accepting a VP nomination while her husband holds the baby is so amazing to me...

...I am not a leftist or even a rightist, I am a woman who really goes for it, and never contaminate themselves with men kind of feminist. I’m not the hippie sex drugs and rock and roll type person. I hated all that nonsense, just wasn’t me. Perhaps a lot of that leftie stuff just annoyed me and still does. Weirdly enough, give me a proper fundamentalist christian any day over a vulgar swearing sexualized lesbian.

-clap clap-

Sorry to get carried away with the C&P--tl:dr, that's still only like a third of her latest saga, never mind the surrounding shitstorm--but I'm sort of riveted. If it's performance art, it's frigging AWESOME. It's like the bastard child of Tony Robbins, Sheila Jeffreys, and Dawn Eden.

oh, and almost forgot this bit:

No I don’t want failure and poverty, and no I am not swayed by everyone else going nuts over a stock market that is quite predictable. The fortunes are made quickly after events like this, while everyone else is still in panic.

ETA: also, too, also, I need to say this, once and for all:

Toe the line. Toe the line. Not -tow-. TOE. There's a line in the sand. You're not supposed to step over it; you're supposed to -toe-. You can't -tow- the line, unless you mean you're physically moving the drawn line someplace else altogether.

"No no! THAT one is the scary one!! THAAAAT OOOOONNNNE..."

Yeah, I got nothin'. Else.

-nod smile back away slowly-, part ___

Uh, Renegade has the scoop. I'll just, um, be over here. Too. Um, wow.

"Can YOU say 'malignant paranoia,' gyns and soon-to-be-extinct-pyrsyns? I knew you could!! Can you say, 'armed compound?'..."

Seriously, it's a terrific example of the fascist/totalitarian narrative.

1) Our People are oppressed by The Enemy, who are demonic

2) We have no power, the Evil Empire rules over all

3) but Tomorrow Belongs To Us

4) meanwhile, we must root out the impure among us.

oh, p.s., lady: I'm a Jew, and you are emphatically on the -wrong end- of that little Godwinism there. please to shut the fuck up and go away now kthxbai

...and macros. Thanks, R Mildred!!

SRSLY.




hee hee hee

on edit: what the hell, i did one too:

This also makes me giggle, alas:

dammit, kactus.

Did y'all know lesbians have a special "clear-eyed gaze?" Neither did I. I must've missed that in the Official Coming Out Package. Well, it's my own fault. After having so many pencil-stab-related-injuries from reading, uh, Certain People and Places, I'm just grateful my eyeballs function at all. Damn, though. The things you learn.

"Fanny, you're looking a little bloodshot today. Have you been thinking about cock again? Tsk. Tsk."

Why?

am i gets this comment?

Anonymous said...

NerdRoom@WAKEUP.com

Many Nerds won't be returning. Some old timers I remember from last year, people like Trenchcoat Mafia, Silk Dragon Shirt, probably won't be coming back next year.
Spamming blogs I put their names up, immortalizing them, if only until the blog owner erases everything::::
1. Trenchcoat Mafia
2. Silk Dragon Shirt
3. Piano Case Coffin
4. The Distinguished English Gentleman
5. The Haggard English Gentleman
6. Beta Nerd, and of course
7. Rosie The Transsexual
Rosie's original name was just Rosie, due to his rosie cheeks. They shared he has a high level of knowledge, a tactic the gods employ to create a false sense of security. This of course is the segment which they dump so many transsexuals into.
I too enjoy irony, and therefore Rosie has now become Rosie The Transsexual.
Who else has a nickname in the NerdRoom?

I'd like to remind you many of the people in the NerdRoom are good men. I hope this is reflected in what they are allowed to learn and the progress they're allowed to make.
I'd also like to remind you their predecessors, REAL nerds from a generation ago who fill the computer swap meet, are WONDERFUL men, and since I likely won't be going again I want to remember them as well.

Actually the comparison of the two is a testiment to the devolution of society which will be used as justification for the Apocalypse:::
Today's nerds are NOT wonderful men. They grew up with the internet and many consider pornography as an acceptable vice. They gamble freely, enjoy evil imagry in video games and engage in sexual pursuits their predicessors never did.
This issue is a microcosim of our deterioration.

A bit more on modesty: the Divine Miss Ros

Amanda McKittrick, that is, bless her, fervently.

The Old Home.

Don't I see the old home over there at the base
Of a triangle not overcrowded with space:
'Twas there I first breathed on the eighth of December,
In the year of Our Lord the month after November.

I've been told it was snowy and blowy and wild
When I entered the home as a newly-born child,
There wasn't much fuss, nor was there much joy
For sorrow was poignant I wasn't a boy.

I felt quite contented as years flitted on
That I to the coarser sex did not belong
Little dreaming that ever the time would arrive
That of female attire I would be deprived.

By a freak of the lustful that spreads like disease
Which demanded that females wear pants if you please,
But I stuck to the decentest style of attire
And to alter my " gender " I'll never aspire.

During that hallowed century now dead and gone
In which good Queen Victoria claimed to be born
From childhood her modesty ever was seen
Her exalted position demanded when Queen.

She set an example of decency rare,
That no English Queen before her you'd compare
Neither nude knee nor ankle, nude bosom nor arm
Dare be seen in her presence this Queen to alarm.

She believed in her sex being loving and kind,
And modesty never to march out of line
By exposing those members unrest to achieve,
Which pointed to morals immorally grave.

But sad to relate when she bade " Adieu "
To earth and its vanities tainted with " rue,"
That centre of fashion, so French in its style,
Did its utmost to vilify decency's smile

And mock at these garments which proved in their day,
At a glance-who was who-and wherein gender lay,
But alas ! Since the death of our great and good Queen
That attribute " Modesty " 's ne'er to be seen.

It wasn't long after till modesty grew
A thing of the past for me and for you;
Last century's fashions were blown quite aside,
The ill-advised folk of this age now deride.

The petticoat faded away as we do
In circumference it covered not one leg but two,
Its successor exposes the arms, breasts and necks,
Legs, knees and thighs and too often-the ---.