Thursday, July 05, 2007

So, I've finally been inspired to get behind a presidential candidate




Why vote for a lesser evil?
, indeed.

Q)How will Cthulhu deal with a strongly bipartisan Congress? How does Cthulhu plan to deal with the budget deficit? Has Cthulhu yet chosen a running mate? If so, who is it, and from whence did it come? Given that the candidate is now dead and dreaming in the Pacific, what measures will be taken to speed its awakening should it be elected president?

A) Cthulhu will have no problem dealing with Congress, as they will be the first to be eaten. The budget deficit will shrink drastically once Cthulhu cuts unnecessary spendings like Defense, Welfare and Social Security. Mass support of Cthulhu will raise the its awareness of the need to take control of our suffering country, and should lead to its return. The Great Cthulhu will awaken in time to take its presidential oath.

Q)If Great Cthulhu becomes president, we obviously would all go mad. Do we get to choose which particular pathological condition we are blessed with, or does the big C just roll a d100 and we get what we're given?...

A) The Great Cthulhu will not give humans that kind of decision over their own fate. They are far too weak to be able to handle that kind of pressure.


Yay! Freedom from! At least as important a consideration as "freedom to," you know.

And look, you can even get bumper stickers.

Who could ask for anything more?

20 comments:

Renegade Evolution said...

Indeed, why go with the LESSER of evils? All hail the squid god!

Amber said...

Where should I send my donations?

antiprincess said...

beats the alternative(s).

baby221 said...

I can't take Cthulhu seriously anymore, unfortunately. He seems to have an unhealthy crush on Hello Kitty.

assembling words to armory, she waits... said...

squid lips is back

♥ it.

Mandos said...

Was this in response to something?

Daisy said...

Drifting a bit, but not really, I recently discovered the Lovecraft tarot costs $300!!!!!

Harumph, harumph.

Roy said...

Cthullu faces serious competition from the Mighty General Zod.

He's a candidate you can trust.

"This new government shall become a tool of my oppression. Instead of hidden agendas and waffling policies, I offer you direct candor and brutal certainty. I only ask for your tribute, your lives, and your vote."

Hell, Zod is honest right from the start about his disdain for Congress and the courts- "I do not take orders. I give them. Congress shall no longer have the ability to impeach me or override my decisions, and the Supreme Court shall not meddle in government affairs."

And he tackles tough issues- "Even a criminal like myself is shocked that millions are not able to get health insurance and cannot pay for basic surgery... ...I demand your very lives, but I am not such an imbecile as to institutionalize suffering and poverty. You have my assurance that this shall change swiftly."

Rootietoot said...

Well, I like Yosemite Sam. I mean, there's a Libertarian if ever there was one.

Cthulu's so...alternative. Makes me nervous. I can't tell his sexual orientation.

Ravenmn said...

Cthulu's so...alternative. Makes me nervous. I can't tell his sexual orientation.

Rootietoot just made me spew coffee!

Does Cthulu have a plan to deal with that?

belledame222 said...

yahbut Sam's got that temper problem...

Moira said...

Considering my unfortunate fascination with tentacles, He definitely gets my vote for sexiest candidate. What's His position on kilts?

Rootietoot said...

awe his temper just humanizes him. I mean really...who can pronounce Cthulu anyway?

R. Mildred said...

awe his temper just humanizes him. I mean really...who can pronounce Cthulu anyway?

I linked to the guys who did the HP Lovecraft musical awhile ago, apparently everyone pretty much just says "Cuh-thooloo".

All hail the squid god!

Only his head is a squid! The rest of him is a dragon (duh).

Think of a male Hillary Clinton, but slihgtly more leftwing.

Also, aside from capturing the pro-apocalypse section of the fundiesphere by default, he's also a squidly family unspeakable non-euclidean horror from beyond the stars, having fathered several dozen children over the eons, only some of which he eventually ate, which puts him in a perfect position to secure the family values and pro-life types.

Aishwarya said...

I don't see why those of us outside your country should be denied the chance to vote for Cthulhu. :(

(Also, I'm tempted to hug you for your comments over at feministe)

belledame222 said...

(hugs) back.

yeah, i'm just sorry people who ought to know better are being such 'bags.

Rootietoot said...

"Think of a male Hillary Clinton, but slihgtly more leftwing."

Ooo...Yosemite Sam it is.

Elizabeth McClung said...

Yes, a candidate whose direct purpose in driving everyone insane (instead of doing it indirectly) - I support that! I think capitol hill must be set up along ancient ley lines of evil anyway as morality is seeped away and the ability to speak in tongues is given to all who go there.

belledame222 said...

well, and: do you think it's just a coincidence that it's the PENTAGON? i think not.

Alon Levy said...

If my book comes out before the election, I can start tooting the horns of all the fascist politicians in it.