Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Asshole Bingo!

-Is- there a card? for the generalized phenomenon, I mean? if not, there ought to be.

or maybe it's more of a flowchart. anyway at the moment, sans graphic or structure, the components go something like this:


*God, I can't understand how anyone could do/behave like/call themselves/be THAT. Sick, stupid, messed-up, filthy, sad... I wring my hands in despair at the fundamental depravity of it all.

*although, snerk, it's also kind of funny...

*Oh, well, I didn't mean -you.- Don't take it -personally.-

*What? It's just my opinion!

*YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

*Stop judging me for judging you!

*Anyway, I'm -not- judging -you,- just that terrible awful icky thing that you claim is an integral part of your being,

*which you wouldn't claim anyway if you knew how brainwashed/damaged/foolish/Lost to Darkness you are.

*I'm only trying to help.

*Really, I'm not telling you what to do. All I want is for you to admit that no matter how you protest, deep down, I'm right, you are wrong about your own experience, and you -really feel just like I do.- Isn't that so much better?

*You're derailing. -Why- must you make it all about -you?- Can't you just be quiet and let us talk -about- you?

*yer so SELFISH. What about the Cause?

*Okay, now you're just being rude. How can I learn if you insist on being so rude and angry all the time?

*I can't be expected to know all about this stuff. I'm just thinking out loud.

*Besides, I am an expert (tm) on this subject, whereas you are only talking about your own experience and thus cannot be objective.

*You are oppressing/silencing me with your stultifying Political Correctness. Shut up!

*The problem with you is, you're just too sensitive. And also mean. To me.


*I'm not like other people! I can't stand pain, it hurts me!

*And, you won't even listen to reason, it's like bashing my head against a brick wall, in fact I actually AM bashing my head against a brick wall, o the noise, LALALALALA CAN'T HEAR YOUUUUUU...

*Okay, okay, clearly I screwed up, even though I still don't understand how exactly and it doesn't interest me much to be honest, but! I FEEL REALLY BAD BECAUSE YOU'RE YELLING AT ME *sniffle*, I'm a terrible person, I heap ashes and sackcloth upon my head, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I SAID I'M SORRY GODDAMIT CHRIST WHAT MORE DO YOU UNGRATEFUL PEOPLE WANT ANYWAY

*Screw you guys, I'M GOING HOME.

...

*And ANOTHER THING...

10 comments:

Vanessa said...

I think that's every thread I've read in the past three months. Although you forgot the part where they say it's a "straw_____" argument.

Rootietoot said...

Way to condense the whole conversations!

thene said...

*I can't possibly be discriminating against you, because I'm [a woman/non-white/non-straight/an immigrant/a Pagan/am wearing yellow socks/etc]

*I'm just trying to provide an unbiased viewpoint...

EthylBenzene said...

Heh.

Love how "it's only my opinion" somehow means you can say whatever nasty bigoted thing you want, because, you know, it's ONLY my opinion. Barf.

Chris said...

*I'm not like other people! I can't stand pain, it hurts me!

This is my personal motto this year.

Renegade Evolution said...

ROFLMAO.

awesome.

Daisy said...

Umm, do you have a link? ;)

COME ON, I know ya got at least one! hahahahaha!

Octogalore said...

Hmmm... I think I have 15 out of 21...

Tom Nolan said...

Brilliant.

Happy New Year, Belle. Keep 'em coming.

alphabitch said...

hee!!!! I got bingo!

PS, you're fat.