William F. Buckley must be so proud

Positively stationary in his grave, I'll bet. Smiling down with austere benevolence from the Great Country Club In The Sky, safe in the assurance that young conservatives are carrying his torch of intellect and high standards.

Oh, you remember the Young Cons, don't you?





So, Mike Stark of firedoglake got a chance to chat with them a bit:





Scintillating, I think you'll agree.

And thank the Lord that these fine young men, our nation's best and brightest, were not forced to give up their spaces at Dartmouth to some undeserving "affirmative action baby" minority person. Thank the Lord for -standards.-

I particularly enjoy "Stiltz;" he exhibits an almost Proustian display of existentialist conservative rap. And has not fallen off his chair once.

Memes that need to be killed with fire (first of a possible ongoing series):

Today, (probably not saying this for the first time or the last here), as per thejadedhippy's example (Rainn Wilson in this case, I guess):

"O hai! I seem to have offended some people! Oh, look, lots and lots of people, now! All kinds of people! Many of them in groups considered marginalized! Some so marginalized I heretofore barely even tweaked their existence, except as a punchline! People are talking loudly and waving their hands in my general direction with angry faces! I am OFFENSIVE. Offensive means SPECIAL. I must be doing something right.

(Please note that the hoary phrase "politically correct" does not even need to be introduced at this juncture).

Basically, besides acting as a convenient cover for good ol' fashioned bigotry much of the time, this attitude is the American (among others, but especially) ideal of Bold Individualism** reduced and distilled until its most striking resemblance is to a puddle of dog piss on the carpet.

"Look! I marked my territory! Woof woof woof! Oh--people waving and making shouty noises. I think I might have done something Bad. Unfortunately I can't remember -why- it was bad, and they're still shouting. Meanwhile: hey, attention! Maybe bad is -good-! I don't like people being mad at me, but gosh, I -like- attention! Woof! Hey, they're shouting some more! This is kind of fun! BARK! BARK BARK BARK WOOF WOOF..."

Meanwhile, of course, the increasingly exasperated Wavy Shouty People alternate between ignoring, indulging, trying reward-discipline behavior and simply striking out with a rolled up newspaper when sufficiently aggravated.

No, I don't have any better ideas at this juncture either, I'm afraid. It'd be nice if non-canine people whose brains in reality probably -aren't- really the size of a walnut would stop acting that way, is all I know. Eh.

I mean, it's not that I don't even get the temptation to just, well, be an asshole. It's fun! It's easy! And it's the Amurrican Way!

What it -isn't- is particularly difficult or even entertaining most of the time. Most people aren't Lenny Bruce or even Dennis Leary. They're just, well? Assholes. We've all got 'em. Not uncommon, the asshole.

**I probably use this quote way too much, but:

But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.

--Carl Sagan

Substitute "iconoclast" for "genius" and you pretty much have the mentality.

"Enlarge the Gap"

Sadly, the main way you can tell this is satire is that it sounds a lot more toned-down and reasonable than the actual spew coming from the likes of Luddite, Limblargh, Gangrene, Torquemada, and the rest of the Living Dead. Just this modest proposal:

We must fight. Today, a white male child will be born into an oppressive society where the color of his skin will only be a great advantage, not an incomprehensibly powerful advantage. That child will see that there is now extra competition out there between himself and his dreams. That child will be born into a society that - while understanding his cultural values and belief systems - will no longer automatically fearfully submit to them. That child will be destined for a life of dreams and promises that will only very likely be fulfilled. The guarantee is now gone, and we must get it back.

My white male friends, we shall overcome. We are a theoretically oppressed majority, but our voices can be heard. White men, spit the imperceptibly less silver spoon from your mouths and yell to the skies “The White Man will rise again! Power to the white male.”

Thank you, and I have retained counsel, several bodyguards, a maid, hairstylist and personal valet on this matter.”

That said: I have to concur. Bil of Bilerico, you're wrong here.

Here's why. Also see. And. And. Or just go straight to the person you were threatening to excuse me fantasizing about sic(cing) Lily Law on.

And for the record, Bil, I consider a lot of things "unacceptable;" it's why this nice respectable cis white dyke has finally taken you off the roll, much as I've valued a lot of your work. I'm sure you'll manage fine, obviously; but hey, for the record.

p.s. and I have the strangest feeling of deja vu.

ETA: No, you hopeless dumbass, "Die In A Fire" does not LITERALLY mean someone is coming after you with the jug of kerosene and a torch.

also? if you've been avoiding sidewalk cracks all this time? Moms thanks you, but really: it's okay to -step.-

The axe is totes real though. Srsly. BE AFRAID.

ETA again: okay, I know DIAF is actually not exactly cute or funny for people who've been seriously threatened with kerosene and torch, or knew people who, yep, died in a fire. I'm not snarking at people who don't like the term, and it does seem like people are actually getting triggered or -something- right and left here. I was specifically snarking at the guy who suggested that Bil note the common Internet acronym as a "2nd threat," because, you know, if that's the yardstick you're using I think yeah, you -would- be handing out a lot more bans. Like, probably half your commentariat at one point or another (if it's not that, it's something else) Which is your prerogative, ban away (RESPECT MAH AUTHORITAH!), but ffs any random person who invokes that isn't making a -threat-, all right? For a start, besides being common, it's not a threat, strictly speaking, that, it's a curse.

I mean, there's a lot of shit that gets casually uttered on the Internets (and elsewhere) that's actually not necessarily dandy just because everyone says it.

Beyond that, I'm not following this crap anymore because it's making me want to double-spork and I'm running low on eyeballs here. Regardless of how "real" -any- of the growly motions and handwaves are--and yeah, it does at least seem more -realistic- to suspect that someone offering to report someone's info to the police means business than someone talking about "heads on pikes," all right? --yeah, bottom line, Bil's been clueless, so's the HRC (and way beyond clueless) and it really blows that the very -real- and imo justified anger at the White Normative GAY andlesbian (and sort of bi)
... .... ... ... ... ...((((((((((((((((((((((((((((and okay trans when we need 'em for a symbol but meanwhile we'll collectively keep throwing real trans people under the bus every chance we get))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

...face of the "Umbrella" movement gets dismissed, again, because OH NOEZ MEEN SCARY DWAMA DWAMA DWAMA.

and still more icky douchebaggery, aka shining knights we can all do without

1) don't look now--seriously, don't (the following are old links for the unaware)--just, heads up: Kyle Payne is apparently out of jail and back to blogging like nothing happened. potential feminist and/or anti-abuse conference gatekeepers, employers, shelter volunteer overseers, newbies to feministland, etc: do not differentiate this "sincere pro-feminist ally" from any other known predator.

2) on a lighter or at least more hilarious note, Natalia has a Very Special commenter going into terminal Fail mode right now. A sample of the specialness:

whenever one listens to “me, my rights, my space, I, what I want” and a plethora of “it’s all about me and what I want” the lower down the social ladder of order and class one descends, as it tends to always be the lower classes which feel as though they’re entitled to something.

Whenever one hears about respecting others, putting propriety and sensibilities before selfish ambition, the higher up the social ladder one climbs.

You three ladies reminded me something in your comments, regarding your birth right and station in life - and this isn’t me insulting or “harassing” you, though I fully realize that anyone whom disagrees with any of you is obviously (rolling my eyes) harassing you… that is the problem with individuals who just think that for some reason the sun and moon should rise and set on their ass.

so now to the point: when i was very young, I remember my mother pointing out to me much of what I’d be experiencing, now that many folks were starting to immigrate:

“one can take a penny. And polish it and shine it, and oh how beautiful that penny will be! Everyone will notice it and say, ‘oh how shiny that penny is!’ however… it is still only a penny. It doesn’t have any more value because it is shiny and pretty.”

I should have known better than to try to express the merit of value, to pennies.

so, thank you. It is a waste of my time to bother trying to have an intelligent discussion with any or either of you, since the best that you have to offer is it being all about you. None of you has any interest in how other cultures, or individuals function and I actually am curious as to your agenda for traveling and marrying outside of your own culture.

The more I read of each of you the more I realize you’re each attempting to climb out of your station or class structure, while pretending to be something you’re not...

I just hope the men you’ve each managed to trick don’t get taken and fully fleeced once they’ve outlived their value to you.

...if walking home means someone is going to harass you… then guess what? Take a taxi… if you live in a low class neighbourhood, then move. really, it isn’t complicated to solve what one doesn’t like to deal with…

if i move to a ghetto, i am going to be treated according to how they live… they won’t come to my neighbourhood, so I don’t have to be subjected to how they choose to live.

it has nothing to do with power… it has everything to do with class and culture…

"So take THAT, you filthy little mudbloods! p.s. my Eastern European ladylike girlfriend who lives in Canada would -never- be so vulgar as to get herself harassed or assaulted, and neither would Mater, so NYERGH."

WHAT A GREAT TWIT!!

Yup.

What she said.

The man has been saying goodbye for so long, he’s come to resemble one of those reconstituted rock bands that have been on a farewell tour since 1982. We had exit interviews by the carload and then a final press conference on Monday, in which he reminisced about his arrival on the national stage in 2000. “Just seemed like yesterday,” he said.

I think I speak for the entire nation when I say that the way this transition has been dragging on, even yesterday does not seem like yesterday. And the last time George W. Bush did not factor into our lives feels like around 1066.

(...AND....three...two...one...)

It's official: pretty much anyone at all might invoke "feminism" in service of their ends

Really, I don't know why people keep saying the -word- is out of fashion and needs preservation; it seems to me the -word- is about as endangered as, well, the Traditional Nukular Family and Merry Christmas. As for the proper -spirit- of such things, well. I wouldn't know, being a degnerate heathen and all, but anyway: here are the thinky thoughts of one Father Joe, on "preserving purity:"

How should couples act prior to marriage? I would like to offer certain recommendations:

FIRST, the whole dating scene is a mess. We should opt for the older practices of courtship. Dating today is an excuse for “making out” and compromising virginity. Younger children should not go out on dates and older teens should be chaperoned. Young adults need the mindset that stepping out with the opposite sex is not simply for a good time, but part of the search for a future mate. Dating is transitory. Courtship plays for keeps!

SECOND, both men and women should prize their purity and do all they can to preserve it as a gift for their future spouse. There should be no double-standard for men. As for women, it is not true feminism or liberation to be as sleazy as certain men. Restraint in this area shows strength of character and a discipline that will keep them in good stead within marriage. Today, we must also contend with sexually transmitted diseases which infect millions, sometimes with lethal consequences. Sex kills! This is contrary to its very purpose. The only sure way to remain clean of infection is for a couple to remain pure and to enter upon the marriage bed undefiled.

THIRD, modesty in speech and dress should rule the day. Vulgar flirtation and immodest dress is in vogue starting with pre-teens and going into adulthood. Many complain that styles are so risqué that it is hard for true ladies to find decent clothing. Some women have resorted again to making their own dresses. Men and women are not the same. One pretty but flirtatious girl who had every boy’s eye remarked to me that she stopped short of getting the boys’ motors running. Poor thing, I explained, boys’ motors are always running! The best of young men can be quite weak in the flesh and they need good girls to keep them good. Young men should not lie or compel favors from women with their physical strength. Women should not tempt men with their clothes, or lack of clothes, and suggestive speech...

And so on, and so on, and so on. See, -true- feminism would be, uhhh, ummm, well...anyway, something better. See. Yeah. Isn't it always? Thanks, Father Whosit! We Value Your Opinion.

Oh, I like this bit, too:

FIFTH, while showing compassion to those who make mistakes, we need to retain a sense of shame for scandalous activity. I recall a teenage girl who had a child and everyone kissed and admired the beautiful baby. We were thankful that a prolife decision was made. However, I was troubled that she showed no remorse or embarrassment at having given away her virginity or having an illegitimate child. Most babies in the past born to such girls were given up for adoption. The stigma served a purpose and its eradication is no service to other girls who might make a similar mistake.

Clearly, the Magdalene Laundries were a hotbed of True Feminism. Not to mention True Christianity. Because if there was one thing the message of Jesus was all about, it was stigmatizing people, women especially, who flouted sexual convention and/or were already the untouchable caste in their respective societies. "Lock 'em up and throw away the key, the dirty sluts," sez Jesus. Also, hierarchy, "family values," and rigid adherence to ritual. That whole "whited sepulchre" thing? Or the railing about "scribes and Pharisees?" Don't worry about it, really.

But their acronym wasn't very catchy

80 years ago or so:

Ms. Blee, 48, first became interested in hate groups nearly 20 years ago, when she discovered a Klan pamphlet from the 1920's advocating women's suffrage. She also found pamphlets advocating eight-hour days for mothers and the use of maiden names by married women. "I thought, This violates all my sense of historical categories," Ms. Blee said. "The role of women in the Klan has been overlooked. They were not incidental, but the glue that held it together."

So she decided to write a book focusing on Indiana, where she grew up and where nearly a quarter-million Klan women lived during the 1920's. In old age homes, she found survivors. They hadn't changed their views. Interviewing them was "hateful," she said, adding, "They assumed because I was white I would agree."

Some Klan women were suffragettes, Ms. Blee discovered, because they believed that the women's vote would counteract votes of African-American men. Some joined because of the temperance movement. "They would say: 'Drink is ruining the family. Who is to blame for that? Catholics,' " said Ms. Blee, who was raised in a Roman Catholic family in Fort Wayne. Catholics as well as blacks, she noted, were targets of the early Klan. (Ms. Blee asked that no other details of her personal life be published because of the dangers of her work.)

Although women did not participate in lynchings, they spread rumors against Jewish store owners and Catholic teachers to drive them from communities. Women also sustained the rituals necessary to cement membership, Klan weddings, christenings, cookbooks, parallel Little Leagues...

more:

"Thanks to Kathleen M. Blee's superb scholarship in Women of the Klan I must now live with the fact that the Klan contained 'all the better people': businessmen, physicians, judges, social workers—even Quakers, political reformers and (this is the truly discomforting part) feminists. . . . Women of the Klan stands before us as carefully garnered, irrefutable evidence that women are capable of asserting their gender rights in the most noisome settings."—Barbara Ehrenreich, Los Angeles Times

...Description
Ignorant. Brutal. Male. One of these stereotypes of the Ku Klux Klan offer a misleading picture. In Women of the Klan, sociologist Kathleen Blee unveils an accurate portrait of a racist movement that appealed to ordinary people throughout the country. In so doing, she dismantles the popular notion that politically involved women are always inspired by pacifism, equality, and justice.

"All the better people," a former Klanswoman assures us, were in the Klan. During the 1920s, perhaps half a million white native-born Protestant women joined the Women's Ku Klux Klan (WKKK). Like their male counterparts, Klanswomen held reactionary views on race, nationality, and religion. But their perspectives on gender roles were often progressive. The Klan publicly asserted that a women's order could safeguard women's suffrage and expand their other legal rights. Privately the WKKK was working to preserve white Protestant supremacy.

Blee draws from extensive archival research and interviews with former Klan members and victims to underscore the complexity of extremist right-wing political movements. Issues of women's rights, she argues, do not fit comfortably into the standard dichotomies of "progressive" and "reactionary." These need to be replaced by a more complete understanding of how gender politics are related to the politics of race, religion, and class.

note

In the 1920s, as many as half a million women joined the ladies' auxiliary of the KKK (the WKKK). Were they just aping their husbands or were there specific motivations that brought women to an organization notorious for rough-neck violence? Well, sexual fears may indeed have played a role. The fraudulent portrayal of ex-slaves assaulting white women in the vile racist movie, Birth of a Nation, is credited with stimulating the resurgence of the Klan. Women had received the vote nationally only in 1918, on a wave of optimism that their votes would naturally fall on the side of justice, decency, and pacifism. ..

Of course, also too, there are always those who are deeply, hilariously unclear on the concept:

In the [Men's Nads Daily] article, [“Feminism, the WKKK, and the Gender-Lynching of Michael Jackson”], David Usher claims that “Feminism as we know it is the direct ideological and political descendant of the Women’s Ku Klux Klan (WKKK).” When I read this, I didn’t know whether I should burst out in laughter or throw my laptop across the room. He continues with a long list of “connections” between the WKKK and the feminist movement, and claims that feminists left the KKK, simply omitted the word “black” from its ideology and replaced it with “men.”

Usher also manages to insist that, “The greatest problem faced by blacks is not racism itself. Sexism and discrimination against the black male, both in family and society, is the greatest single factor keeping blacks a desperate underclass.” Wow.

To back this up, he then throws Michael Jackson’s trial into the mix, and how the feminist “lynch mob” is actually responsible for the charges against him:

“So the new WKKK set out to perform a lawyerly lynching of Michael Jackson. Every mob motive is present. He is a male. He is very rich, eccentric, and black too. It was an irresistible invitation to misuse false allegations of sexual improprieties, for profit and political gain.”...

Seriously, though, Martian Rights Advocates aside, it's not that surprising. Ever read "Gone With the Wind?" I mean the movie's a subject in itself, but the book is...interesting. On the one hand, Margaret Mitchell writes about Scarlett O'Hara in this way...I don't have the book in front of me, but it's full of authorial asides like, "No one was there to tell her that her own personality, frighteningly vital as it was, was more attractive than the artifice..." something like that. You know, she was a strong woman chafing under the hidebound rules of an extremely sexist and rigid society who didn't let (white, duh) women be full humans; this is actually the point of the whole damn book, or one of them.

The other of course, being, goddam Yankees fucking up a perfectly good system, sending good families to ruin and privation and giving THEM ideas. And yes, there's a bit where one of the husbands rides out with the Klan; this is considered a good thing; because, see, while Scarlett was just mostly going along to get along, black people acted the way they did because, well, that was just TRUE about their inherent nature, see...

"They were like children," I believe O'Hara muses in a fury at the ignorant Yankee woman who was mean about one of her beloved former (and of course loyal) servants, and would prefer a "good Irish girl" to nanny her children because, you know, she doesn't KNOW -them- like Scarlett (and Mitchell, obviously) does...

Awesome names for MRA fuckwit blogs, part the Twoth

Inspired as by a burst of manly fertility, the hits keep coming:

"Bitty"
"Other People” Are Secondary Values No Matter What
2&1/2 Inches of Swinging Male Fury
A Goldmine Of Man-Stupid
A Witch! Burn Her!...Burn Her Anyway!...
Al O'Moany
Are You On Your Period Or Something?
Boner Wars
Born-Again Egoist
Breastfed Through Adulthood
But I Could Get Drafted!
By The Power of Grayskull, I am Cocklord!
Carving Her Heart Out With A Spoon
Cockmeister
Cold Shower Power Hour
Combover Central
'Course I Can Fucking Handle It
Denied My Rightful Fruit-Cup
Descent of the Undervalued Testicle
Dicking Around
Drill, Baby, Drill
Feminism Turned Me Into A Newt (I Didn't Get Better)
G-Spot, Schmee Spot, You're Lucky I'm In Roughly The Right Zipcode
Gorillas On The Piss
Greedy Whores Stole My Flat-Screen
Have Yet To Find A Girl Deserving Of My Falling In Love With Her
High Marks For Skid Marks
I Finished Last So I Must Be Nice
I'd Fuck Myself If It Weren't Gay
It Ain't Gonna Suck Itself (I Tried)
It Is Just As Big As My Truck
It's Dull, You Idiot, It'll Hurt More
I've Got Needs
Jealous of the Average Salt Shaker
Legend In My Own Mind
Lesbians Ate My Baby
Male-Order Pride
My Girlfriend Who Lives In Blowhardistan
My Hammer Is My Penis
My Rod and My Staff, They Comfort Me
Nurse Ratched's Ward
On The Run From SHE-RA TEH SABRE-TOOTHED VAGINA
Oresteia For Dummies
Penile Infallibility
Peter Pan Without The Charm
Pissing Where I Want To
Proudly Adjusting Myself In Public
Real Men Don't Eat Quiche Pussy Cock (Goes Without Saying) Anything That Isn't Spoon Fed To Them
Real Women Don't Fart
Reproductive Freedom, and Other Attacks on My Balls
Shocked by Your Unladylike Behaviour
Short, Stark, and Mansome
Sir Lordling The Petulant
Solitary, Poor, Nasty, Brutish and Short
Sucked In By THE CONTROLLING VAGINA
Supar Mann 4 Evolooshun Sikeologee
Swagger Til I Stagger
Ted Bundy Wuz FRAMED
The Daily Male
The Flatulent Philospher
The Gods Smile Upon My Fuckstick
The Lace Curtain Conspiracy
The Stripper Likes Me, She REALLY -Likes- Me!!...
Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor: A Blog
'Tis Pity She's a Whore
Tom Twenty-four Pack
Tripping the Light Faptastic
Tyler Durden Is My Hero
Vagina Dentata Ate My Paycheck
Viagra For My Rage-On
Wankers Of The World, Unite!
What Do You Mean, "No"?
Wife-Beater: Not Just a Fashion Term! Haw haw!
Woe is Me, For My Mail-Order Bride Hath Taken Half
Woe, For I Hath Fathered a Girl-Child, and She Readeth the Hellcat Dworkin
Women Can Be Feminists, As Long As They Submit Fully to Me
Women Lie, Nice Guys (TM) Die
Worshipping At Ayn Rand's Temple
You Can Never Be Too Ripped Or Too Privileged
You May HAVE Penis Envy, But A MAN Invented It!
You'd Look Good if You'd Put Some Make-up On and Smiled
Zen And The Art Of Wankery


Thanks again to all who contributed!

Awesome names for MRA fuckwit blogs!

So, seeing as what a rousing success the Maudlin-Feminist blognames list over to Natalia's was, (now in its second volume!), now thinking it's only -fair- and -equal- to answer the eternal cry,

"But What ABOUT Teh Menz?!"

And sure enough, with real live blogs out there with such titles as:

"One Man's Kingdom: A Member of the Slave Sex Revolts "
"Dick Masterson"
"No Ma'am"
"Rebel Against The Feminazi Blitzkrieg"
"Global Gynogulag"
"End of Men"
"Another Day In The Jungle"

...really, what choice did we have but to offer the lads some helpful suggestions of our own. What kind of helpmates would we be otherwise?

Thanks to everyone who contributed; feel free to claim ownership and/or offer more in the comments.

***


*Belch*
1,000 Men Crying, No Pity In Sight
10 Pints Of Lager And I'm Sick On Your Shoes
Abandoned In The Toy Department
All You Need is a Deep Dicking
Alone On Friday Night: A Tragedy In Five Acts
Are You My Mummy?
Balls Out!: A Blog
Blogging is Cheaper than Viagra
But I Love You- A Stalker's Manifesto
Call Me Cobag
Castrated By Your Laughter
Condoms Are For Girls
Confounded by Mysterious Lady-Parts
Custody Without Responsibility
Derisory...? Misogynist!
Dickswingin' Digest
Ejaculations
Emasculated with a Blow-Torch and Left to Die in the Kitchenware
Entranced By My Own Emissions, Why Aren't You, Dammit??
Eternal Towelboy
Every Sperm IS Sacred
Every Time A Man Cries, Chuck Norris Shoots a Kitten
Everything I Know About Sex I Learned From Traci Lords
Feminists Stole My Precious Bodily Fluids
FRRREEEEEEEEEEH-DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM
Fuck Me I'm Awesome (Please)
Give Me My Ball(s) Back, I'm Going Home
Go Get Me A Beer
God is a MAN (With Back-Hair and a Mortgage, Just Like Me)
Gold Diggers, Whores, And Dykes, Oh My!
Grabbing My Dick And Jumping Up And Down
Grunting Into The Void
He Blinded Me With Junk Science
How Big's Yours, Then?
Huh Huh Huh Boobies
Hunted by Hairy Man-Haters
I Am A Cliche
I Bought You A Slushee, You Owe Me A Blowjob
I Can Outwhine Any Woman Any Day Of The Week, Go On, Try Me!
I Can Piss Standing Up!! And Other Brilliant Accomplishments
I Can't Even Spell Injunctive Relief
I Can't Hear You Unless You're Naked
I KNEW Girls Had Cooties...
I'm A Nice Guy(tm). So Why Won't You Date Me, Bitch?
IM NOT GAY!!!111!ONE!!
I'm Not Just The President Of The Dickhead Club, I'm Also A Member
I'm Spartacus And So's My RealDoll
Incoherent Rage
It Takes A Deadbeat
It's Gettin' Hard Out Here for a Prick
It's Not A Tantrum, It's A MANtrum!
Jerking My Way To Freedom
LOLdadz.blogspot.com
Loud Is the New Right
MAKE ME A CHOCOLATE CHICKEN POT PAH: A Revolutionary Manifesto
Mauled By The Marauding Myrmidons of the Mingelyrd Oversoul
Me, My Hand, And I
Mom Never Loved Me, The Wife Never Fucked Me
Mom?! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM?????...
Mother Of All Mommy Complexes
My Bitch Ex-wife Dumped Me For Some Reason
My Mind Is Like A Plastic Bag
My Mom, From Whose Basement I Type This, Is a Feminazi
No Kitchen Chain Is Too Short
No One Knows What It's Like...To Be The Dad Man
No, I Have Not Stopped Beating My Wife Yet
Nobody's Angrier Than I Am
On Her Tits
On My Way To A Manly Coronary
One Lonely Guy
Politically Erect
Proud Dad To Roughly Three Kids
Rebel Without A Clue
Respect My Authoritah!
Robbed Of My God-Given Right To Be A Dick
Rod McManly Pants Does Not Care What You Think
Sad Sacks United
Sandwiches from My Bitches
Scrawling My Name In The Snow Of The Internets
Social Skills Are For Pussies
Somewhere Between Al Bundy And Ted Bundy
Somewhere Over The Rainbow, There Are Women Who Won't Laugh At Me
Sphincter Talk, You Listen
Spitting Out The Pubes of Injustice
The Big Whine
The Black Knight
The Bloodshot Homosocial Gaze
The Family Jewels
The Fiefdom
The He-Man Woman-Hater's Club
The NoMotherland
The Travis Bickle Appreciation (Anti) Society
Two Inches Of Power!
Walk Behind Me With Your Head Hanging Low
Walter Mitty On Meth
Washed The Dishes, Where's My Reward?
What About MEEEEEEEE??!
What's A Clitoris?
What's Your Fucking Problem Anyway? The Earth Always Moves For Me
Where's Dinner?
Woody Woodpecker Sings the Blues
Y'all Don't Know What It's Like, Being Male, Middle-class and White
You Just Wait, I Won't Sleep With You And Then Where Will You Be? Huh???
Your Equality Hurts Me

"So, Dennis Miller and Bill O'Reilly walk into a bar..."

and someone locks the door after the worthless gobshites and drops the whole building down a wormhole and neither are ever heard from again, muhahahahaha!!

Ahem. No, just, via the ever watchful PPW, this charming little bit of dialogue:

O'REILLY: Now, the Sarah Palin hysteria. I mean, can you believe she's getting more ink now than the president-elect is getting? Didn't she lose? It looks like she won.

MILLER: Listen, she's a great dame. People are fascinated by her because the left hate her. I think the left hate her -- mostly women on the left hate her, because to me, from outside in, it appears that she has a great sex life. All right? I think she has non-neurotic sex with that Todd Palin guy. I think most of the women on the Upper East Side, their husbands haven't been aroused since Mailer signed copy of The Executioner's Song at Rizzoli's back in the early '70s.

So they look at her, and they hate her. I think that snowmobile looks like mechanized foreplay to me, and that's why people are fascinated by it.

O'REILLY: So you think that -- cutting through all of the metaphors that even I don't even understand. Rizzoli's used to be a bookstore.

You think that because she looks like a happy, wedded mom with --

MILLER: Yeah.

O'REILLY: -- not so much neurosis, that these people are going, "We have to hate her"? It's -- what, it's schadenfreude? Is that -- how do you say that? German?

MILLER: It's called schadenfreude.

O'REILLY: Schadenfreude. [unintelligible]

MILLER: The Germans concocted it. It's one's vague pleasure in another's discomfort. Leave it to the Germans, by the way, to concoct an intricate glossary of pain terminology.

But I think people have -- I think people have schadenfreude about her. It's like Tina Fey's movie Mean Girls. Women are mean to other women. They look at her, she looks happy, a lot of them aren't, and they're cranky about her.

Yes, Dennis and BillO, that's exactly it. The real reason women (or anyone) can't stand Sarah Palin is because we ENVY her relationship with Radical Fringe Separatist K-Fed. Certainly nothing to do with o we think her policies (insofar as they're coherent at all) are frighteningly reactionary & bad for women and other living things ( gay couples, the body politic, the planet...moose); or that she herself ranges from "vacuous twit" to "crypto-fascist rabble-rouser."

Oh, yeah, and we hate America. And women (i.e. pretty much anyone who isn't either Sarah Palin or a fangirl at this point).

You two, on the other hand, are AWESOME. Blessums ickle jowls. -pinch-

No, really, I was -just- saying the other day, you know, if there's one thing we as a nation and/or culture could really use right now, it's a couple of smug dessicated prick windbags making lumbering cracks on the tellyvision about What Women Want, and then, well:

O'REILLY: OK, and then arrest Barney Frank, correct?

MILLER: Barney might want to be arrested.

O'REILLY: Oh, jeez. Ugh. [shudders] OK, Dennis Miller, everybody. I told you to hide the kids.

Haw haw! No, wait, I geddit! Like, Frank's (lowers voice) gay, and so he probably -wants- to be arrested, because everybody knows prison rape is

a) What Teh Gay Really Want

b) Hiiii-LARious!

Yeah, "ugh, [shudders]." Thanks for sharing your important thinky thoughts there, Combover Central, really.

I mean, O.K., and so meanwhile here we are being treated to Falafel Boy and Dubya-Daddy Complex here speculating about what does and doesn't constitute -neurotic- about -sex-, right:

I think that snowmobile looks like mechanized foreplay to me, and that's why people are fascinated by it.

There really isn't enough "speak for yourself" in the WORLD.

Oh yeah, they've teamed up before to share wisdoms on similar themes, apparently. Just be grateful yer scintillating sidekick there didn't decide to make something of your "always having Bush's back" this time. Know what I mean, know what I mean, nudge nudge?! You dreary arrested-development tossers.

But yeah, Dennis, do explain to us plebes again--along with all your other superior knowledgey knowledges--exactly what means schadenfreude.

"That one."

ETA: teh remix (thanks, trin)



So basically what we have here is Archie Bunker without the charm.

This is what’s really unsettling: you take into account this is him on his -best behavior.- I mean he’s actively trying *not* to come off like a racist, condescending prick, on account of he must know that whatever he thinks in his pebbly little heart o' hearts, no one -actually likes- a racist, condescending prick, and he's trying to win an election here, not demonstrate How To Lose Friends And Alienate People--With John McCain! (part XXVII). I think.

I mean, not that I -actually- think a guy who thinks "gooks" is a fine and dandy word to keep on using no matter what people say, or who repeatedly voted against recognizing Martin Luther King Day and then later showed up to apologize for it whilst having a black man hold an umbrella over his head might -actually-have any kind of problem with the ol' racism. (Or sexism, and/or homophobia, for that matter). Nonono. I'm sure he doesn't have a bigoted bone in his body. So few people -really- do, you know. Also, too, he's another uniter-not-a-divider, is John McCain.

But I think people are picking up on what poor self-control this shows, which is -really- worrying even to people who aren’t that moved by the idea that he’s racist. How frigging hard is it to remember to look someone in the eye and call him by his name ffs? Can’t he even manage -that-?

Or...maybe he thinks it’s a sign of weakness to meet the bare minimum of civility; certainly his labored incredulity at the idea of zomg sitting down and -talking to- The Enemy as a part of (shudder) -diplomacy--–yeah, it fits. "Leadership" as brittle alpha-male posturing and ego-wanking, yeah, fuck knows we haven't had enough of -that- these past eight years. I don’t know who he thinks he’s impressing in the debate there, though. No one who wasn’t already at least as big an asshole as he is, and that lot, I don’t think he needed to worry about losing their vote to Obama to begin with.

What was that about -character-, again?

Natalia Antonova asks the "realness" question

to wit, in this instance, "Who's a 'real' woman, anyway?"

more specifically,

How many times have you heard some idiot** say something like, “man, I hate American chicks, might as well go to Thailand/El Salvador/Moldova, that’s where the REAL WOMEN are at.”

Now, we all know what he probably means here - women who are at a similar economic level are not submissive enough, and women who are not are “easier” to deal with. There’s also the fact that a certain woman’s upbringing may make her more “susceptible” to what the man perceives to be submissive status, or else give the appearance of such status.

That’s all pretty much clear, or so I think. What isn’t often clear is the motivation of the “submissive foreign woman” in question. Based on my experience, scenarios vary wildly. A lot of women consider the arrangement a step up, and will tell you to fuck off if you try to lecture them on who to marry and how to carry themselves.

Were you born outside of Donetsk to an emotionally sadistic mother who cleaned hotel rooms and slept with guests for extra cash? Did you have an alcoholic stepfather who tried to bash your face in with a wrench after you refused to blow him? Did your mother then kick you out of the house for “trying to steal [her] man”? If not, you’re probably not going to have a whole lot of authority in the eyes of the eighteen-year-old who just wants a nice, stable life with some aging paramour in Milwaukee...

So what do you do about all of this? I don’t know. I know that until conditions markedly improve in my native Ukraine, people are going to want to get out. Until more men realize that women’s sole purpose isn’t to gratify their sexual and culinary needs, they’re going to seek out the vulnerable among us.

And we will keep on keeping on.

Though if I have any ideas about any of this, it’s to stress that all of us, the rich, the poor, the in-between, the misogynists, the crusaders, the quiet and shy, the loud and abrasive - we are all as “real” as the next person.

I think here, as with the prostitution...talks...in feminism (among others), what happens here is that...well, I dunno, there's a whole comment thread there and I'm not currently up to opining very eloquently or originally. Just: well, yeah, the situation is...grey and complicated. As are people, including women.

**in case you were wondering whether this was a rhetorical question, some lovely examples of said idiots came up in the course of the conversation. f'r instance, as found here,

I salute those men who have gotten the hell out of the feminist matriarchal West, and have managed to find some remaining enjoyment in their lives by going Expat.

...The poor schmuck who dares marry invites the host of Hell upon his head. At any time , for any reason, a wife may “cash out” and strip the man of his assets; and if he has children get child support and alimony in addition to the house and car. Men walk on friggin egg shells in their sexless marriages as the wife manipulates him mercilessly over the barrel. That they flee the country is no surprise.

Worse you do not consider, because of your isolated perspective, that many men do not have sex at all.

or from right there in the thread, for that matter,

“Firstly women from these countries often act a little more ladylike (e.g. avoid swearing, farting, obnoxious - not playful - man-bashing) and traditionally (e.g. support men making the money, and women tending to the home and family, and often more religious).

And secondly women from these countries believe marriage is a lifelong commitment, and certainly don’t use terms like “starter husband” in their native cultures (http://www.marieclaire.com/life/sex/advice/starter-husband). A lot of men have heard the horror stories and read the statistics about divorce in America, and want more than just Til-Inconvienence-Do-Us-Part”

...That being said...If a woman cheats, farts, and walks all over her man, that says more about him than it does her.

Doesn't it, just? -poot- oh, excuse me.

The things I learn. So, apparently, if I'd been married traditional, like (and if my husband kept me in line, of course), I'd cease to be flatulent again, EVER? wow, no wonder they want to keep marriage sacrosanct. -poot- goddamit. -urp-

...blimey, this homosexual agenda's more insidious than I thought.

My favorite, though, speaking of, was this one, as ganked from another thread and reposted here:

This string has me in complete disgust! Let me tell you all…all of you feminist, male bashing\hating\demeaning bitches, you are the reason so many American men are looking for (and finding) beautiful , intelligent , talented, warm and loving women abroad …Ukraine and Russia in particular, because they are disgusted with your feminist bullshit! Go to your Gay Pride parade but don’t expect any intelligent and decent man to accompany you !

so, basically,

"I'm NOT going with you to the Gay Pride Parade! I'm going to Russia instead! Because I am an intelligent and decent MAN, and you don't deserve me, you, you LESBIAN!"

I bet he has a great big gub, though.

The troll encapsulated.

Some people go to the Bible for their clever and profound illustrations of Universal Truths; others find Shakespeare more satisfying. Being of more vulgar stuff, I find this suits my current needs, once more, with feeling:

Dr. Creepo, I presume

um, yeah, no comment:

http://nhsblogdoc.blogspot.com/2008/06/when-woman-says-no-she-means-no.html

As soon as you start saying "when a woman says 'no' she does not always mean it" you are in hot water. I have been hung out to dry on various feminist sites recently for maintain that, whatever is going on her or in similar circumstances, it is not rape in the ordinary sense of the word. There has to be a sexual context and (assuming the doctor is not an extraordinary pervert) there is no sexual context. The feminists see this sort of thing as an "exercise of power" against an unwilling female and as far as I can judge feel therefore that it is a sexual assault.

...okay, not much of a comment.

"Hot water" and then "hung out to dry;" and then ironed, I guess. and the OP is, well, it all sounds very -scary.- I mean, if you're him. I guess I just didn't realize how -hard- things were for people like him. Just, you know, your -ordinary- sort of pervert, one presumes. Or, no...

Well, but really; how do we know he doesn't -want- to be flamed, much less hit with a malpractice suit? Besides, it'd be for his own good.

"Your lips say 'no,' but your eyes say 'I'm a big ol' troll'"

--the late blogwarbot, with whom I increasingly suspect engaging would be far more productive, even posthumously.

"First, do no harm."

("You might feel a little prick.")

Right, so, Lina has the backstory on this one, here and now here. Very short version: there's this...person? calling himself "Dr. Crippen," who apparently took exception to a woman posting on her own small blog about her own traumatic medical experience. Specifically, that she likened it to "rape," was questioning whether it could be called rape...you know, basically starting to process this traumatic experience. On her blog. Not, we note, threatening lawsuit against the good online Doctor here, or indeed anyone else (that I'm aware of). (Attention, please: this is important). See the posts at Lina's for the details.

Back? So, as we see, the gist of boyo's feckin' problem is that he is Offended that the woman is likening her traumatic experience of having someone, a doctor, in this case, painfully pushing foreign objects into an orifice and ignoring her pleas to for him to stop, to "real" rape. Or, well...then again, as it turns out, who knows: perhaps Crippen would also take exception to someone's personal, painful account of that other, "real" rape experience, you know, assuming any other "real" rape survivor or indeed anyone else at -all- asked his damn opinion about her own personal shit in the damn first place (which no one has). Viddy:

http://nhsblogdoc.blogspot.com/2008/06/rape-victims.html

(ain't hyperlinking, he can get his damn technorati boost and/or find his way back here to whine by some other means)

Imagine a large, well-furnished room. It is well lit, with no windows. It is soundproof. A psychological experiment is to be conducted. John, a twenty-one year old man, and Mary, a nineteen year old woman, are placed in the room and the door is closed. Eight hours later, the door is opened and John and Mary are interviewed separately and asked to describe what happened during the eight hours in the room. They both give honest and plausible accounts. At least, you think they are both honest but there is a problem. Their accounts are completely different. How do you establish who is telling the truth?

It is not possible.

Change the scenario a little. The room becomes a student bedsitter in a University Hall of Residence. John and Mary voluntarily enter the room together late at night after a party. They have both been drinking. The next morning, Mary leaves the room in tears and tells a friend that John made her have sex against her will. The friend calls the police. John is arrested. John agrees that they had sex, but says it was consensual. How do you establish who is telling the truth?

It is not possible.

blahblah some stuff wherein he sounds nominally sympathetic to the difficulty of securing a rape conviction in the UK, with stats, but including another slam at the woman first referred to here with yet another insistence that SHE at any rate did NOT experience REAL rape, NO. (Trust him: he's a Doctor). He winds up with:

Sometimes, men get a very raw deal indeed.

It is not deemed politically correct to put the case of the male “victims”** of rape and so it was good to see a courageous article by an American psychologist putting just such a case. The article is courageous because she is female...

(quel shock, it's Dr. Helen Smith. tangentially, is there such a thing as a person who unironically insists on being referred to by hir doctorly honorific at all times who -isn't- a total choad? anyway:)

**(of course, here he means -not- actual male rape victims, without scare quotes, as in, men who have been raped, yes, Vern, it does happen, really; he means, of course, men who have their career and lives destroyed by false accusations).

...You get the idea. We are in, short, in rather drearily familiar territory.

--Oh, and he's also concerned about giving "real feminists" a bad name, is this Dr. Doctor (PhD) person. (From such concern, I am verklempt, overall, really). Which, another tangent, tickles me, because, you know what? The person he's currently targeting is someone with whom I am not exactly BFF; is, in fact, a radical/cultural feminist of the sort that I'm rather notorious for snarking at/about, and while I don't know that I've directly tangled with this person so much, I've certainly taken rather strong exception to things she's said, in public, in comments variously, if not an actual entry (too lazy to check). Who, I'm pretty sure, does not consider me a "real" feminist at all, albeit for entirely different reasons than The Doctorly Doctor who is a Doctor (and is also a Doctor). It doesn't matter, see.

Point is, I am not writing this post because we are BFF's forever, this woman and me, or suddenly in synch politically, or even feminist sisterly solidarity as such. I am writing this because some shit is beyond the pale, and needs writing about. And because rampant misogyny, ableism and--yes! I agree with the author! rape apologists suck ass. As for my feminist creds, or the supposed harm I am doing to feminism by saying "hey, you know what? This guy is a sexist, hateful wankstain, and he's being a gratuitous, GIANT asshole to someone who didn't ask for it to boot"? Or anything else, as far as that goes:

"We value your opinion."

Anyway. Moving on.

So, let's just take Dr. Whosis' deep and abiding concern for the "real" victims, whomever they may be, as a given, for a moment. Let's look for just a moment at this idea that whereas forced penis-in-vagina (or other recognized as "sexual) penetration is "real" rape, this, for instance:

A woman who is raped while giving birth does not experience the assault in a way that fits neatly within the typical definitions we hold true in civilised society. A penis is usually nowhere to be found in the story and the perpetrator may not even possess one. But fingers, hands, suction cups, forceps, needles and scissors… these are the tools of birth rape and they are wielded with as much force and as little consent as if a stranger grabbed a passer-by off the street and tied her up before having his way with her.

...is not true, is not in fact rape, this, no matter how "unpleasant" (in Dr. Thingie's term) the experience may be for the woman.

Well, trin has a good and thoughtful response to this:

When things go wrong in medical procedures -- particularly when the people giving them are inattentive or disrespectful -- the experience can be deeply violating.

I had some major surgeries that went terribly wrong, necessitating several emergency surgeries. Those surgeries, because they were emergency procedures, were not things to which I could meaningfully withdraw consent.

Was I raped? No, no I wasn't -- and the doctors had nothing in their hearts but the desire to help me. But it was an *intensely* violating series of experiences that contributed to PTSD that I have.

In therapy and other places, I used the word "rape" to describe them -- because they involved people cutting into and entering my body when I didn't want them there, fiddling around with my insides, and closing me back up.

I don't use that word now, because I don't know what sexual violation feels like. They're not the same thing. However, what I experienced *was* in many ways a deeply distressing series of violations, and I still call it *that*.

The fact is that for some people, certain medical procedures can be VERY invasive. Since ___ reports that the person giving the treatment *did not stop* even when she said she wanted to reschedule later with someone else, her words don't surprise me in the least.

And, while I realize that it may *sometimes* be impossible to allow someone to withdraw consent in the middle of a procedure for safety reasons (or so senseless not to give it, as it would have been if I'd refused those emergency surgeries, that nonconsent isn't a real option unless one is willing to die)... this does not sound like one of them to me. (If I'm mistaken, please let me know.) And if that is the case, well, there's a word for not stopping when someone says no, and being shocked at ___ using it misses the point entirely.

The point is that SHE SAID NO. At which point a responsible person would withdraw immediately, or do whatever is medically necessary and then withdraw.

...As I've said, I don't call what happened to me "rape" any more out of respect for people who have experienced something I haven't. But I will say that it was really freeing to me when I first named it that, because it meant I could actually CALL what happened to me violating, invasive, only-consensual-because-I-didn't-want-to-die...

a commenter:

Actually, having experienced both rape and invasive or penetrative medical procedures that were not being performed in a professional manner with appropriate care given to my concerns and my comfort, both physical and psychological, I DO use the word rape to describe the latter.

At least in part because I could damned well tell that the medical practitioners in question were ignoring my requests for some kind of change in what was happening to me - pausing for a little while so I catch my breath and recentre, stop and try another approach, etc - because they were in power and knew they could do whatever they wanted to me, and I couldn't do anything.

And so forth.

Ah, but: feelings. Subjectivity. "The personal is the political," That's the rub, isn't it, Crippen? So nebulous. So "postmodern," sez you (great, on top of everything else, be like nails on a blackboard to academics everywhere). I mean! It Could Go To Court! It could go to court, and some poor man's CAREER would be RUINED, (even if he didn't actually see the inside of a jail cell, ever), and that would be VERY BAD. At the very least, this is all DEEPLY OFFENSIVE (which is not, please note, about -feelings;- or at any rate, -your- feelings, which unlike everyone else's are Objectively Obvious and SRS BZNS):

You are missing the point. What you do not seem to understand is that categorising unpleasant medical experiences as rape degrades and demeans women who really have been raped. That is NOT to say that some woman have not had some appalling experiences during child birth. I know they have.

But it is still not rape. And categorising the whole of the medical profession as potential rapists is deeply offensive. It is an abuse of all that real feminists stand for. It is the lunatic fringe of feminism and serves only to bring ridicule.

Rape is a dreadful, dreadful experience for any woman. This sort of hyperbole is akin to people who misuse Nazi atrocities, or the Holocaust to make minor debating points.

Finally, why are most of you not even prepared to discuss the issues rationally?


John

(oh, goodie, we're on first name terms, at last). Well, John, it's like this: we can't discuss it rationally because we are all hysterical creatures who are in dire need of your sturdy, capable, professional hands to set our wandering wombs back on the correct path. Duh.

But just based on your post here, http://nhsblogdoc.blogspot.com/2008/06/rape-victims.html, where, above the "adversial legal systems" tag, you say,

The English common-law system, adopted by so many other countries, is adversarial. In all criminal trials there must be a “winner” and a “loser”. It is like a boxing match. The judge is the referee, there to ensure that the rules of the game are followed. The judges of fact are the jury, who must declare the "winner" making their decision on a “beyond all reasonable doubt” basis. Most members of the jury have probably had sexual experiences whilst under the influence of alcohol that they have later regretted. Mary may say she did not want to have sex with John, but she had been drinking heavily, and went back to his room consensually. The seeds of doubt are sown.

...What is the solution? Is there a way to achieve a fair result in rape cases? Can we ensure that women who come forward will be treated fairly and sympathetically and neither man nor woman will start at a disadvantage? I do not believe this will ever be possible with the English (American) common law adversarial systems...

much less comments like,

These women say they are traumatised. The near impossible job for the Law is to try and assertain if that is the case when often there are no independant witnesses or evidence.

We all do things we regret. We shouldn't expect the Law to sort things out for us afterwards.

Convictions for rape should be made on objective not subjective evidence.

...I'm going to go out on a limb and guess, again, that your real concern is not so much emotional or even semantic, but legal. Amirite?

Okies, but here's the thing, see: The woman whose post you fisked? And keep dragging up to make your points? Was not talking about legal shit.

She didn't threaten to put you, o Doctorly Doctor, on trial, nor indeed (so far as I know), any of your comradely professional comrades. She was talking on her personal blog about her personal trauma. You are not on trial here, and, even more to the point, neither is she; she is not required to -defend- herself to you, Random Asshole; she is not REQUIRED to call or -not- call what happened to her "rape" or "violation" or "unpleasant experience which is still traumatizing me years later and I need to talk about this please" or "Agnes," just because you, Professional Type Rational Mr. Dr. Doctorly Medical Professional PhD, Esq, Ass., PITA, STFU, don't like it. Really.

So, what, in short, the fuck is your gorram problem already?

Oh yeah: "offensive." And I guess this post here is just really REALLY offensive and hurtful, then. To you. And those who think like you. (Please note: unlike you, I am not assuming that most -real- Professional Medical Persons share your views on this). Oh, I feel just awful about it.

It'll pass.

And, yeah, you know...well, I can't be arsed to read John's blog there closely enough to determine whether "Dr. Crippen" is a (no doubt completely postmodern and ironical) nod to this Dr. (Hawley Harvey) Crippen, much less whether the first commenter on that "rape victim" post chiding him as "very naughty" is some kind of running gag allusion to this quaint little bit of doggerel:

Dr Crippen killed Belle Elmore
Ran away with Miss le Neve
Right across the ocean blue
Followed by Inspector Dew
Ship's ahoy, naughty boy!

...or if it's all just some grotesquely hilarious coincidence, or what.

In conclusion (and, no, I am -also- Not Bovvered that I am Getting Personal; this is not "slander," son, this is a flame. Can you say "flame?" I knew you could!!):

Fuck you, you whiny misogynist creepazoid ratfucker, with a rusty, unsterilized, very -dull- medieval medical instrument, in a hitherto unperforated body part of your choice. No kiss, no anesthetic, no reach-around.

And now, I must rinse.

ETA: Want a second opinion? Oh hay, here's another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another.

Quote of the day, 4/27/08

Otto: How do you do, Mrs Leach? I'm Harvey Manfren... jensen. I'm, uh, with the CIA.

Wendy: The CIA?

Otto: That's correct, ma'am. I was, uh, just telling your husband here, before I, uh, had to go to your beautiful bathroom, we've got a high-ranking KGB defector in a safe house near here. We're debriefing him as of now and just...checking houses in the neighbourhood.

Wendy: For what?

Otto: For KGB.

Wendy: Is there any danger?

Otto: No, no, no, no. No, uh...No. No, not now. We, uh...We just wanna keep everyone informed. So, Archie, thanks for the drink. Sorry to have troubled you.

Wendy: Keep everyone informed?

Otto: So there's no panic, ma'am.

Wendy: But isn't it a secret?

Otto: You have no idea how secret.

Wendy: Then why are you telling everyone?

Otto: ...It's a smoke screen?

Wendy: What?!

Otto: Double bluff. --Look, you obviously don't know anything about intelligence work, lady. It's an X-K-Red-27 technique.

Wendy: My father was in the Secret Service, Mr. Manfredjinsinjin, and I know perfectly well that you don't keep the general public informed when you are "debriefing KGB defectors in a safe house."

Otto: You don't?

Wendy: Not unless you're congenitally insane or irretrievably stupid, no.

Otto: Don't call me stupid.

Wendy: Why on earth not?

Otto: Oh, you English are *so* superior, aren't you? Well, would you like to know what you'd be without us, the good ol' U.S. of A. to protect you? I'll tell you. The smallest fucking province in the Russian Empire, that's what! So don't call me stupid, lady. Just thank me.

Wendy: Well, *thank* you for popping in and protecting us.

--A Fish Called Wanda


also

"Where are you going, my pretty maid?"
"I'm going a-milking, sir," she said.
"May I go with you, my pretty maid?"
"You're kindly welcome, sir," she said.
"What is your father, my pretty maid?"
"My father's a farmer, sir," she said.
"What is your fortune, my pretty maid?"
"My face is my fortune, sir," she said.
"Then I can't marry you, my pretty maid."
"Nobody asked you, sir," she said.

--traditional

The path of the righteous is beset on all sides

The path of the frootbat is much the same, but with the addition of banana peels.

Take this winner, for instance ("take him, please"). "Saint," I believe is his moniker. He's payin' my friend Rebecca a visit.

In many ways just your average troglodyte--he is very concerned about the "pussification of Oz," apparently. But, amid his dronings, what caught my bloodshot eye was what's beginning to sound like an awfully familiar theme, to wit, "I'm only being a noxious shithead toward you, complete stranger, because I care." Viddy:

Don’t put yourself into the prison of identity politics. Don’t surround yourself with people who do not have your good, your best interests at heart, who don’t love you. Don’t ruin your life, don’t condemn yourself to life-long misery and self-hate, egged on by a cheering squad of three self-absorbed individuals who care more about their cause du jour then you as a person.

There is much much more to life than your narrow prison cell, and there is much more life, hope, joy and love outside of that toxic web of friends of yours.

Right Christian of him, isn't it? Mighty white of him, even. And he's right, you know, because nothing says "I see you as a real person rather than as my own personal Righteous Cause" better than, f'r instance:

Screwed is an understatement for [Rebecca], if you are talking screwed up. She’s got issues. Trans issues. Needless to say, a perusal of her blog tells you she is not the cheerful one of ___'s two friends.

...[Pussification/Teh Gay Agenda/Teh Trans Agenda/Feminazis/evil leprechauns and pixies/the little dogs Trey, Blanche, Sue, they bark at me] [is] a prison which has sucked in __ and __ - both barely adults, what a tragedy - and is leading them down a path of self-destruction egged on by their idiot friends like ___. You don’t know whether you should commit them all or take them in and protect them from themselves. Or both.

See? Just like Jesus. Going after the lost sheep, as it were. Before they can pussify the entire country, which was Jesus' main concern, and rightfully so.



This is the key point, though. Quoth the Saint:

I am glad, having now read your next post, that you do agree with me on one thing: your little “community” is toxic. And who knows how toxic you are to others around you. (It is however, always ironic that the people who talk about community the most, usually don’t know what it means, and think you can manufacture it by forming an activist group and a social club.) Next time you think of “community”, ask yourself what it is you are really seeking.

Well, as to "what it is you are really seeking," duh, THAT's obvious, isn't it?



As do we all, really, deep down. Way, way, way deep down.

In lieu of that wistful fantasy, though, I'm afraid the Unwashed among us will simply have to comfort each other as best we can, toxic though our company, our -communities- may be. Someday we may indeed be worthy of the healthier attentions of Mssr. Saint, there, and indeed all the Saints out there, tirelessly plowing away on all our behalf. We can but pray, brethren and sistren. We can but pray.

Laugh, clown! LAUGH GODDAMIT

So, Renegade has this post explaining about some shitsmear clever young man what's designed this line of T-shirts with the witty tagline,

"Cuttin' Up Hookers"

with apropos graphics in various stylish designs.

(nah, not linking, follow the breadcrumb trail from RE's).

but so anyway, Genius Boy himself shows up to defend himself, thusly:

Please lighten up. My shirts are designed to entertain, not offend.

And I also forward proceeds to various charities. I actually support hookers, in all reality. ;)

...PS, hookers sure don't complain when they take my dolla dolla bills yall! So all's well that ends well, say I.

and then, when mutual status as One Of The Tribe is appealed to, Alex (for that is apparently his name) goes:

Oy vey.

Please don't ever compare jews to hookers or gays again. That is just plain insulting, and you should know better if you really are one.

A better analogy would be to "beat up bums," "Superman strippers" or "kill Republicans." You know, keeping with the whole "low-life" theme here. (no offense to anyone)

Look, I respect your right to dissent. But you should also respect my right to exercise free speech. Which I see absolutely nothing wrong with.

Apparently you guys are too uptight to get my shirts - but plenty do. It's no different than a comedian. Should he quit simply because a few find him offensive? Shit, if that were the case, half of Jewish comics would be flipping burgers right now!

Look, I have some advice. Have a coupla tequila shots and come back when your sphincters have relaxed a notch. Lighten up, life is fun!

...whereas some of us aren't funny, merely angry :(

Ok, fair enough then.

I and many young men and women find my shirts uproariously funny.

A few harpies on the internet don't.

We done yet?

Or would you like me to send you a complimentary Cuttin T-shirt?


And to 222 - you seem very very angry. I don't think I can help you. Ever consider applying for Dr Phil's show?

Well, I for one certainly do not wish to be thought of as an uptight un-fun "harpie." I wish to join the merry laughter of all the young men and women out there. In fact, I want to help Alex gain more merry laughter, because clearly he's just a jolly sort of guy.

So, if -you- are a merry young man or woman and would like to appraise Alex of what -else- you find uproariously funny, you can, he informs us, contact him at his website, or more specifically, I suppose, at the information helpfully provided right there on his website:

http://www.aktenterprises.com/tchekmeian.php

Alex Karekin Tchekmeian

AKT Enterprises
11929 E. Colonial Drive #166
Orlando, Florida 32826

(T) 888.429.0666
(F) 407.574.3012

Email
alex@aktenterprises.com

Company Web Site
www.aktenterprises.com

General Company Contact
info@aktenterprises.com

--oh, look, BusinessWeek did a profile on him, what a mensch he must be.

Oh, yeah. In the spirit of citing one's sources, which has been rather a theme this week, I will say here that the original inspiration for RE's post was here, at a site called Buried Alive. Thanks for the h/t, sincerely.

(There: see how easy that was?)

xoxoxoxox

****

ETA: -cocks head- mkay. So, before my and this link go up, someone at RE’s publically suggests that this might not, in fact, be the real Alex T, but in fact a well-known troll. I write, well it DOES seem odd that anyone could be THIS stupid, lemme take this down while I double check. I double check the site. There’s a direct link at the bottom of the Cuttin’ Up Hookers page to AKT Productions, this guy’s base of operations. So I figure, right then, on with the show, and put the post back up.

Shortly thereafter, there’s a (now unlinked) comment by “Alex” at RE’s saying:

alex said…

Ok, um, some assclown was impersonating me and I’m sorry if anyone was unduly offended.

I love all women, not the least of which hookers!

So as a token of goodwill, I’m willing to send anyone a free “Cuttin’ Up Hookers” T-shirt personally signed by my radboy designer, Jared. And if you send in some photos of you wearing them, I might even add them to my site.

Let’s just stop the hate and let the good times roll, people! ;)

***

shortly after THAT, there’s this exchange at Buried Alive:

mkay. now he, or someone, says this over at Buried Alive:

My name is Alex Tchekmeian. I am 21 year old entrepreneur who is absolutely taken back by what is occurring right now.

My company is a t-shirt manufacturing and distribution warehouse. I am a regular guy who started receiving many emails regarding “my clothing line called cuttin’ up hookers.” and how disappointed people were in me.

After doing some extensive research I found this web site that somebody went on and posted fake comments trying to mask themselves as me. I have no direct affiliation with this clothing brand and people are acting as if it was my idea…

I am so beside myself because I would never write the things that were written here. I hope that this message gets through to people so that this can come to an end.

I am putting myself out there out of honesty so that this can be resolved. The truth of the matter is I have no affiliation with this organization and I do not support it. Somebody has posted falsified comments attempting to take a direct hit to my reputation and hard work.

My direct email is alex@aktenterprises.com.
Comment by Alex Tchekmeian - The REAL One April 14, 2008 @ 3:26 pm

(”Will the Real Alex Tchekmeian please stand up?”)

All right–welcome Alex. I am confused–does your company own District Lines?
Comment by pisaquaririse April 14, 2008 @ 3:38 pm

Yes, my company does in fact own District Lines.
Comment by Alex Tchekmeian - The REAL One April 14, 2008 @ 3:42 pm

Then you own “Cuttin’ Up Hookers” line of t-shirts, yes?
Comment by pisaquaririse April 14, 2008 @ 4:02 pm

While we do own clothing companies within AKT Enterprises (Messhead, Fuller and Skuzzy), Cuttin’ Up Hookers is not one of them. We are responsible for the printing and distribution of the Cuttin’ Up Hookers brand, however, we are not in any way the creators or promoters of the brand.

District Lines powers over 250 individual online stores, ranging from clothing companies, charities, activists and bands.
Comment by Alex Tchekmeian - The REAL One April 14, 2008

*****

I leave the interpretation of this latest development of events to you, gentle readers.

In either case it does seem that someone is doing Alex a public service, because as the REAL Alex is, by his own admission, "responsible for the printing and distribution of the Cuttin' Up Hookers" brand, he might want to take this opportunity to be apprised that many young men and women do not, in fact, approve of this particular fine line of merchandise, and he may wish to be disassociated with it henceforth.

I will also, without further comment, note this quote from his BusinessWeek profile:

Today, 20-employee AKT Enterprises consists of 15 businesses that revolve around the music industry and include merchandising, Web development, and online ticketing services. Most of AKT's clients are hardcore bands and record labels. Tchekmeian says the business had $1.3 million revenues in 2006 and estimates it will earn just over $3 million in 2007, with the bulk of the income coming from merchandising, all of which is produced in-house, because he doesn't "trust the quality of anyone else out there.”

***ETA 4/15: What she said.***

-waves merrily-

Dear Jay Leno: This is my gayest look, from me to you:

Yes! That's right! It's the CLEAR-EYED LESBIAN GAZE OF DOOM. Tremble before its power, Jay Leno (you douchebag). Tremble, I say!

Shakesville has moar.