Quote of the day, 4/27/08

Otto: How do you do, Mrs Leach? I'm Harvey Manfren... jensen. I'm, uh, with the CIA.

Wendy: The CIA?

Otto: That's correct, ma'am. I was, uh, just telling your husband here, before I, uh, had to go to your beautiful bathroom, we've got a high-ranking KGB defector in a safe house near here. We're debriefing him as of now and just...checking houses in the neighbourhood.

Wendy: For what?

Otto: For KGB.

Wendy: Is there any danger?

Otto: No, no, no, no. No, uh...No. No, not now. We, uh...We just wanna keep everyone informed. So, Archie, thanks for the drink. Sorry to have troubled you.

Wendy: Keep everyone informed?

Otto: So there's no panic, ma'am.

Wendy: But isn't it a secret?

Otto: You have no idea how secret.

Wendy: Then why are you telling everyone?

Otto: ...It's a smoke screen?

Wendy: What?!

Otto: Double bluff. --Look, you obviously don't know anything about intelligence work, lady. It's an X-K-Red-27 technique.

Wendy: My father was in the Secret Service, Mr. Manfredjinsinjin, and I know perfectly well that you don't keep the general public informed when you are "debriefing KGB defectors in a safe house."

Otto: You don't?

Wendy: Not unless you're congenitally insane or irretrievably stupid, no.

Otto: Don't call me stupid.

Wendy: Why on earth not?

Otto: Oh, you English are *so* superior, aren't you? Well, would you like to know what you'd be without us, the good ol' U.S. of A. to protect you? I'll tell you. The smallest fucking province in the Russian Empire, that's what! So don't call me stupid, lady. Just thank me.

Wendy: Well, *thank* you for popping in and protecting us.

--A Fish Called Wanda


also

"Where are you going, my pretty maid?"
"I'm going a-milking, sir," she said.
"May I go with you, my pretty maid?"
"You're kindly welcome, sir," she said.
"What is your father, my pretty maid?"
"My father's a farmer, sir," she said.
"What is your fortune, my pretty maid?"
"My face is my fortune, sir," she said.
"Then I can't marry you, my pretty maid."
"Nobody asked you, sir," she said.

--traditional