Fetch me my axe: Notice:

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Notice:

The word "the" has been formally copyrighted by me. Please make a note of it. Henceforth, all uses of "the" must be properly attributed to Me; or you shall face most Severe consequences.

(patents on "a," "an," and "and" are pending. you can still use them for now, I guess. don't get any funny ideas in the meantime though).

48 comments:

Anonymous said...: what about "teh"?; January 18, 2007 3:28 PM
belledame222 said...: i suppose you think you're funny. well, We Are Not Amused.

here, here is an 800 page Manual to explain why what you just said was hopelessly gauche and terribly offensive. (waits for the naif/troll/sinister Trojan Horse Muppet to go read the manual until she understands her mistake); January 18, 2007 3:42 PM
Anonymous said...: Since "the" is the most destructive word in the language, with its opaque intuitive force to imply single, unitary, totalized entities by simply being paired with a noun of choice, I have to let you know I'm sueing for damages.; January 18, 2007 4:07 PM
Anonymous said...: Excellent, I've noticed we're running low on TP in the house.; January 18, 2007 4:25 PM
Rootietoot said...: how about 'da' or 'de'? or other colloquialisms?

wv: duuxsnax; January 18, 2007 4:51 PM
belledame222 said...: Stop it! Stop it, you oppressive bastard people! Stop trying to change the subject, what is whatever I say it is. Help, help, I'm being oppressed! You, you...anti-me-ists!

I bet you're gonna go tell LIES about how I'M being irrational and controlling or some ridiculous nonsense like that, aren't you. Lies, you're doing it right now! Stop lying! Stop thinking mean thoughts about me! Stop looking at me funny! Stop it RIGHT NOW!

...i simply can't understand it. where o where has everyone gone?; January 18, 2007 6:43 PM
Anonymous said...: Unacknowledged reference to Mary McCarthy, a woman?; January 18, 2007 7:09 PM
belledame222 said...: --She never proved a thing, not a thing!!; January 18, 2007 7:10 PM
Sylvia said...: What about "thee?"

"It tolls for thee."*

See, like that.

*Hemingway, Ernst. For Whom the Bell Tolls. New York: Scribner, 1995.
Sylvia is not responsible for lost, late or misdirected on-line entries or transactions, for incorrect, inaccurate or incomplete entry information whether caused by a lurker, remote blogger, or technical malfunction or for any human error, technical error or malfunctions. Sylvia reserves the right to halt or modify the discussion at any time during the discussion period if events beyond her control compromise the discussion's fairness or integrity. In the event that a scheduled talk event is canceled or preempted for any reason, no points will be awarded for bloggers involved in that particular pissing match.; January 18, 2007 8:11 PM
Rosie said...: Now, y'all...Belledame's gonna hafta stop this car if y'all don't cut it out.

Can I have dibs on "ain't"?; January 18, 2007 8:13 PM
belledame222 said...: Only if you go through the proper channels. Fill out this form in triplicate, please.

Now bring me the head of the deli clerk; he is oppressing me by not stocking my favorite brand of cocoa.; January 18, 2007 8:18 PM
J. Goff said...: Did someone say cocoa?! I can make cocoa to die for. Cinnamon, nutmeg, clove, if that's your thing, and sweet sweet chocolate lurvin'!

Or we can go hazelnut...let's see...french vanilla (I think I've actually got some real vanilla beans 'round here)...mocha, oh shit do I know some mocha.

Mmmm...god damn good idea. Cocoa it is.; January 18, 2007 8:27 PM
super des said...: Crap!
I use "the" all the time!
Alright, how much do I owe you?; January 18, 2007 9:16 PM
Sylvia said...: Once I own all the vowels, you'll be sorry!

I'll put the "oei" in oppression!; January 18, 2007 9:46 PM
Anonymous said...: How about th'? I'd be sayin' that be this lesbian Pirate Queen's alone. Still, since ye carry such a big axe, I'll let ye decide...for th'moment.; January 18, 2007 9:48 PM
Ravenmn said...: Belledamme, you're gonna blow your evil brute image if you get all hi-larious on us. Could you, please, stop switching between scary veiny Willow/belledamme and the sweet/funny/trusty Willow/belledame?

P.S., I'm claming ravens and all other birds. EA Poe owes me big time!; January 18, 2007 10:00 PM
R. Mildred said...: Belledamme, you're gonna blow your evil brute image if you get all hi-larious on us. Could you, please, stop switching between scary veiny Willow/belledamme and the sweet/funny/trusty Willow/belledame?

That's "wevil veiny willow/belledame and Tera/Belledame".

remember that She owns the band "The The" now also, which i think qualifies her for evil veininess 4evr.; January 18, 2007 11:20 PM
Twanna A. Hines | FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com said...: What a terrible pain; I don't know if I'll ever be able to use the word "the" again without feeling a slight twinge of guilt due to the copyright infringement. :); January 19, 2007 8:01 AM
billie said...: whatever am i to do? i will have to become creative in my use of english and language. :) or i could just cite you all over in my writings :); January 19, 2007 9:14 AM
Kevin Andre Elliott said...: Damnit R. Mildred! You beat me to the "The The" joke. Your wit is too quick for me.

Fortunately I'm a fan of footnotes, so I'll have no problem properly citing you, BD, when I use that word.; January 19, 2007 9:59 AM
Sage said...: I think that word of which you speak is highly overused anyway. People have dropped it (for some strange reason) when discussing trips to *** Hospital. They say, "She's in Hospital now." (Well, they do in these parts anyway.) I think we can just drop it all round and save hassles of payments and footnoting.; January 19, 2007 11:31 AM
Rootietoot said...: BD, if you need it, I have a bottle of xanax. I'd be happy to spare you a couple.

You never did say if it was ok to use 'de' or 'da' or 'dum' or 'der' or 'dis' or 'dat'.

Hubby's from West Virgina, I just want to make sure it's ok for him to speak. 'course all he really has to do is mumble and throw in a 'dammit' here and there.; January 19, 2007 12:42 PM
belledame222 said...: You never did say if it was ok to use 'de' or 'da' or 'dum' or 'der' or 'dis' or 'dat'.

What do I look like, the Queen of Vocabulary? sheesh. See, this is just more propaganda; you're just like the rest of Them, trying to paint me as this meen meen Core Wordist who's trying to corner the market on words. lies, all lies. no more than I should expect from this cruel cruel world, I know. and yet, try as I may, I simply can't squelch my Passion, my Longing for Revolution. I do not wish to -control- grammar; I want to -get rid of grammar.-

nobody understands me-us.; January 19, 2007 12:56 PM
Rootietoot said...: grammer crackers or grammer crust?
Twould revolutionize the cheesecake industry; January 19, 2007 1:57 PM
belledame222 said...: DOWN WITH THE CHEESECAKE INDUSTRY! SMASH THE OPPRESSIVE DAIRYARCHY!!; January 19, 2007 2:09 PM
Anonymous said...: I do not wish to -control- grammar; I want to -get rid of grammar.

This is not truly radical. I want to eliminate the subject-object distinction, which, as we know, is the true root (Lat. radix), of our oppression. Mere predication is just a symptom.; January 19, 2007 2:14 PM
J. Goff said...: Can we all just agree that the leetspeakers are the true enemy here?; January 19, 2007 3:30 PM
Rootietoot said...: dats(tm) right Jack.; January 19, 2007 4:21 PM
belledame222 said...: Words, the hard lines and strictures of the letters, the iron-clad syntax of sentence, they are a prison we must break free from. We must. mdqhre. trj. &^$#*9.

P{}}{]er

...i told you nobody understands me. they just DON'T WANT TO, is why, because THEY CAN'T HANDLE THE 4ejn453; January 19, 2007 4:23 PM
Anthony Kennerson said...: Oh, please....

You do know, Miss Belledame Gates, that the word "the" is already protected under the Commons License, and thusly cannot be copyrighted by anyone???

I'm just gonna have to sue you for intellectual property theft. Bring your lawyers,'cuz I don't play to lose.

Heheh.

:-)

Anthony

(My patent on the word 'smack', though, is pending...); January 19, 2007 8:30 PM
Anthony Kennerson said...: Ahhh...I meant to say the "Creative Commons License", that is...

What. Eva. It's still public property.

Anthony; January 19, 2007 8:32 PM
Anonymous said...: "P{}}{]er"

I think it says "power" ;); January 19, 2007 10:08 PM
Sylvia said...: As a prominent lactose intolerant, I have to protest your use of dairyarchy, a term specifically coined to my people's oppression.

Now pardon me, I have to go visit a Baskin Robbin-me-of-my-dessert-liberty shop to protest.; January 19, 2007 10:27 PM
ilyka said...: I find teh English-centric approach taken in this post to be, shall we say, problematic. Of articles in other languages, no mention is made. Is it only English that matters?; January 20, 2007 2:01 AM
Anonymous said...: Well, if the word 'the' is forbidden to me, I'll just speak Russian - that has no definite OR indefinite articles. Ha! Lucky I learned it at university...; January 20, 2007 5:14 AM
Rootietoot said...: are copyright laws global or just within a country? I don't know these things. What about pig-latin? Oesday ouryay appropriationmay overcay atthay?
Sign language? Are you willing to oppress hearing impaired? Braille? I need a lawyer. I don't think you thought this through. Go to your room.; January 20, 2007 6:53 AM
Amber Rhea said...: Cheesecake will not survive t** destruction of grammararchy.; January 20, 2007 10:51 AM
Amber Rhea said...: But I mean, you know... I always thought I liked cheesecake. Really. It's delicious. Or at least, I thought it was.

Then I realized there are people out there like Sylvia, people who are lactose intolerant and CANNOT choose to eat cheesecake - or if they do, they SUFFER, so they really don't have much of a choice, do they?

So then who am I, as a privileged lactose tolerant individual, to sit here on my throne saying I like cheesecake? I'm hurting the lactose intolerants and invalidating their experience!!; January 20, 2007 10:58 AM
belledame222 said...: You want to know a secret? I -still eat cheesecake.- Once in a while. (The kind with ricotta, of course--I can't even look at cream cheese anymore now that I know what I know). I'm not telling anyone what to do. No one is trying to take your precious cheesecake away from you. Just don't try to tell me that it's a REVOLUTIONARY ACT. Oh, you so were going to tell me that. "Oh boo hoo, I'm a cheesecake revolutionary and the big bad meen real revolutionaries are trying to take away my cheesecake and hurt my widdle fee fees."; January 20, 2007 1:39 PM
Amber Rhea said...: You also might enjoy...
http://laurelin.wordpress.com/2007/01/18/the-thin-line-between-stirring-and-silence/; January 20, 2007 2:57 PM
Veronica said...: Patents are inherently patriarchal, and I therefore deny the validity of your colonizaton of "the" and declare you a handmaiden of the alien penis gestapo what hates the wimminz.

So, there. Neener, neener.; January 21, 2007 5:49 AM
antiprincess said...: nice, veronica. game/set/match to you.; January 21, 2007 11:53 AM
Veronica said...: Oh, no, AP, haven't you heard? I'm humorless and a bad rhetorician!

:P; January 21, 2007 5:16 PM
belledame222 said...: This is a very, very serious matter, which is why I am fapping righteously all over your ass. And now, I am amused at your anger. I don't care what you think. I don't care what you think. I don't care what you think. I don't want to change anyone's mind. I am still talking. Your defensiveness is clearly impairing your judgment. What's wrong with you, anyway?; January 21, 2007 9:01 PM
Veronica said...: LMAO. Awesome.; January 21, 2007 10:07 PM
antiprincess said...: veronica, I must respectfully disagree. if you can't handle that, well...

;); January 22, 2007 9:31 AM
Ravenmn said...: "flap, flap, flap, flap, flap"

"Gawk! Gawk!"

O.M.G. Everybody duck! Do you see what's coming?

It's the Executive Committee of the Emu Writer's Union and it's after Belledame"s ass.

Duck everybody!

"flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap...."

The horror.

The horror.

wv: watpub

Yeah, what pub we meeting at gal pals?; January 22, 2007 11:43 PM
belledame222 said...: duck, duck, duck, EMU!!

("vy an emu? vy not an emu?"); January 22, 2007 11:46 PM