Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Dwama on the Internets, Act I, scene 2

"Doop de do, scanning the horizon--oh, look, someone has posted something that reminds me of Me! I have never noticed this...person? ...before, and well i COULD take the time to read a bit more-indepth here, get a sense of what this person is -truly- saying, where they're coming from, context of not only whatever they've revealed about themselves personally (you know, thoughts, feelings, something that might distinguish this voice from just another faceless extra in the grand epic saga that is -My- internal life), but also even (who? what? huh?) any cultural framework which might be different from mine; or hell i don't know, whether there are -other- people out there who are saying pretty much what this person is saying on account of it IS a different cultural framework; but, sheesh, who has time for that? I've picked out a few words here n there that push My buttons; -everyone- knows what THIS symbol means; what more could anyone possibly want? Now, watch me deconstruct it with my jagged if somewhat dull blade! (P.S. Aren't I clever). -Click-. Post: up. Ah, accomplishment. Now, onto the IMPORTANT stuff, like engaging in round 10,305 of the same endless circular wank that i've been going at with my mirror-opposite across the aisle for yonks now, to the tune of the rapturous hoarse shouting of the crowd; that is Politics.

...I hear a faint buzzing. shrug.

...oh! someone...? oh, yeah, you, that's right, i sort of remember you from, um, oh yesterday i guess it was, someone is...angry? is it? with me? With Me? But, why? Let me answer that before you start; of course, I know why; it is because I threaten you, with my keen and penetrating insights. Or, perhaps you're jealous, of the glory that is Me; which, that, I can understand. Or perhaps you're simply terminally stupid. Or most likely all of them at once. I'll explain this to you nicely and then you'll go away again. ...oh. you're still here? God, what do some people WANT already?!

...oh, shit, now here come a bunch of -other- people shouting and waving their shadowy limbs in My general direction. Are you all a gang? That's it, isn't it! You're in this together! You're all out to get Me!

...oh, NOW what? et tu, Brute? I thought -you- of all people -understood- Me! well, if even YOU think I did something wrong (oh godohgod not that not I Did Something Wrong, dark mutterings threaten to break the surface, I am the Worst Person In the World Ever, i can't BEAR it, o A-GO-NEE)...all right all right. (gestures helplessly; then, inspiration)...Look. I know. This ought to make everything better:

I AM SORRY IF YOUR FEELINGS WERE HURT. I MEAN YOU NO HARM. WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS. I AM ONE OF THE GOOD GUYS; I AM A -GOOD PERSON.-

okay? okay. good. Thank God. Now, back to Me and My understanding of exactly -why- you misunderstood Me so...

oh, I thought we were done, here! --oo, look, -you- over there, i'll have YOU for my next deconstuction fest, seeing as how i have Moved On and all.--oh, WHAT?!?!?!?! already??? all right i can't stand it anymore: HELP HELP I'M BEING OPPRESSED

(thunder of cavalry in the distance, dazzling light glancing off armor)

...THERE. NOW maybe FINALLY I can...

SHIT!! right that's IT. you have TRIED MY PATIENCE. You know what you are? Hm? SELFISH. SelfishselfishSELFISH. -ALL- you think about is yourself; why WHY must you continually INSIST on INTERRUPTING me with your petty concerns? why are you PERSECUTING me and making me feel like a BAD PERSON when clearly i am so NOT. Huh? HUH??? WELL?

...the what what now?! okay, now i'm simply confused. what is this, 'it's not about you' supposed to mean? I simply don't understand. You ARE talking to Me, are you not? I don't see anyone else here--

what do you mean, 'that's exactly the problem?'

You've got a real smart mouth, you know that? Say, you wouldn't be -threatening- me now, would you? Really, you should know better than that. Wash your mouth. And clean up your grammar; and, what -is- that you're wearing anyway? How tacky. I don't even know why i bothered addressing you in the first place, ___

all RIGHT so i got your name wrong, GOD, ALL you can do is pick on me, that's it, i don't have time for this, this is so beneath Me anyway. I have an important duty to fulfill! I am talking about the World! The World, it is Me! And therefore when you talk about something that ISN'T about Me, or irritates Me, or both, you are...

well, at best. So, so, so, selfish.

It's sad, really.

Now: where was I? --oo, look, someone here has posted something that reminds Me of..."

7 comments:

belledame222 said...

btw,

> I MEAN YOU NO HARM. WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS.

to be imagined in the voice of the aliens from "Mars Attacks!"

as opposed to the rest, which can be whatever you like, auditorily. Me, I've been goin' with good ol' Norma Desmond, but, see, that is the glory of the Internets: -you can make up anyone you want on the other end of the screen, and there's not a damn thing they can do about it!!-

and, funnily enough, that one is a two-way street...

Mandos said...

FOUL OUTCAST IMPURE.

Or something.

belledame222 said...

*poot*

Sly Civilian said...

lmao!

Jay said...

Ahhh, BD,

the world, it is me!

lemme know when you want to publish the full play...

Renegade Evolution said...

eh, you rock, anyone who says otherwise...well...you know.

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