Tuesday, October 03, 2006


Why, God?

Cat poking around behind my (open! it was OPEN!!!) briefcase sitting on the floor, where it's been collecting dust, in a corner. "Aw, kitty, whatcha got, huh--"

What, indeed.

Speaking of Kill it! KILL IT!!!!


the biggest one i have ever seen indoors

in MY apartment.

which has had mice at one point but thank fuck, i had thanked fuck, never seemed to get any but the occasional baby-to-medium sized roach.


I had to drop a bag of books on it, and the goddam antenna were STILL twitching, and and then...of COURSE i'm out of paper towels and have to resort to KLEENEX, and...

i'm still traumatized

help me please


lilcollegegirl said...


belledame222 said...

thank you

hugs are good

also i need a really stiff drink

baby221 said...


Might I recommend a commercial pastry torch? I have a pair that I've gotten pretty handy with and they're utterly indispensible when it comes to dealing with household pests.

Alon Levy said...

FSM... am I the only person in the City who hasn't seen more than one 'roach?


belledame222 said...

AL: Yes.

Don't worry, you will.

and thank you. for the hugs.

and yes a BLOWTORCH!! is EXACTLY what I need! you are so right! thank you!! YES!
awww hell YEAH

Rootietoot said...

oh bless your heart. Cockroaches (politely called "palmetto bugs" to distinguish them from those nasty little german roaches) frequently find their way inside, thanks to our moist, warm climate. THey give me heart palpitations and allow the household menfolk to feel all protective and manly when they smash them (with a grisly *POP*) I find a therapeutic gin and tonic helps tremendously with the trauma. I realize I am perfectly capable of stomping them myself, but why should I when there are 4 other people in the house wiling to nasty-up their shoes for me?

Amber said...

Heh. What Rootietoot said.

At least it wasn't flying. Just keep telling yourself that.

belledame222 said...


and over at the Feministe thread, people are all like, "jumping spiders are cool! they EAT roaches!"

and I'm all,


yea. ok. they eat roaches. well any spider big enough to eat THAT roach, much less one that JUMPS...

i am sorry, but to me this is like i don't know, hiring Charles Manson to take out the Mafia don.

but with more legs.


it's too early for gin and tonic.


Mandos said...

Clearly, if you were a crystalline entity, you could have just absorbed the life force out of it.

antiprincess said...

If I was there I'd totally stomp it into oblivion.

and you'd go

"my hero!" and swoon and stuff.

Rootietoot said...

ooh flying cockroaches. I had one the size of a buick fly down my cleavage one summer night. You never saw a Southern White Girl strip so fast in your life. Only the immediate administration of ice cold gin kept me from the loonybin.

belledame222 said...


down your CLEAVGE omigod omigod ackackACK

petitpoussin said...

one thing nobody tells you about hawaii... I get a Broadway revue's worth of giant roaches in my bedroom during the rainy season - and the fuckers can fly! the worst was having one fly out of a shirt I'd just put on first thing in the morning. I feel your pain BD... I really, really do.

Rootietoot said...

i'm not sure it's ever too early for gin and tonic if a roach is involved.

I'm kind of having a similar reaction to the thought of a jumping spider big enough to eat our 3 inch roaches. Gawdamighty. I'm feeling the vapors coming on. Prissy, mah smelling salts please.

Zan said...

I agree -- be glad it wasn't a New Orleans Flying Roach. Those bastards will take your blowtorch away from you and chase you around the house. "Who you trying to kill, biatch? I love the smell of burning human in the morning!"

Rootietoot said...

Ugh. New Orleans roaches are like..Roach Special Forces, only Mentally Disturbed and On Meth. Texas Chainsaw Massacre Roaches. Paris Hilton on a Bender Roaches.

I think they don't have them much north of the Arctic circle. Or in Antarctica.

belledame222 said...

and if they do, the penguins and/or puffins will protect us.

Ed Ward said...

My time in Texas can be of some help here. They're called "tree roaches" down there because they actually prefer to be outdoors. Often, you can just chase them out of the house and they'll stay outside.

Of course, with fall coming on, maybe not.

Do not stomp them. I can tell you why, but then you'll need four G&Ts.

belledame222 said...

oh god. you're going to tell me something like squishing them makes all the little eggses spill out and seep into the floorboards, there to breed and brood and multiply and plot to TAKE OVER THE APARTMENT, PINKY, aren't you.

soopermouse said...

My flat used to be roach infested until I got myself a pet spider. Now, instead of hundreds of ugly crawlies I have one spider roughly the size of a deck of cards...seems like a decent deal to me.

belledame222 said...

"I'll take door number three, Alex."

Rootietoot said...

My kids, boys all and utter stereotypes, delight in stomping palmetto bugs- the 3 inch flying variety. They make a loud *POP* and technicolored shiny greasy smeary stuff squirts out and even then they keep wiggling their hairy legs. It requires a whole Brawny towel and PineSol. Truly, you get used to it. Sort of.

It's better when the dogs go after them 4 vicious weinerdogs chasing a roach and crunching with lip-smacking delight.

belledame222 said...

one of those "i don't know whether to go awww how cute or be completely grossed out" moments

Rootietoot said...

grossed out. I won't hold them after they've done roach patrol. Tho it's tremendous fun to watch.

Bitch | Lab said...

oh. you should live in FL. they fly around here. not only that we name crap after them. Palmetto Bugs. Palmetto street, Palmetto Lane, Palmetto Ranch.

if you pick up some diotomacious earth -- finely ground seashells -- and put it around, you can get rid of them. they groom themselves, the DE gets onthem, perforates their exoskeleton and all their fluids drain otu and they croak. :)

Bitch | Lab said...

pietpoussin --

we were finaly able to open the windows. great. but my son's been storing dog food in the garage. turns out they love the damn bag of dog food. i'm sitting on the sofa last night and realize something's crawling on me. freakin' cockroach!

heebie jeebies!

Bitch | Lab said...

BD wrote:

"I'll take door number three, Alex."

cracked me right up.

Bitch | Lab said...


<< I agree -- be glad it wasn't a New Orleans Flying Roach. Those bastards will take your blowtorch away from you and chase you around the house. "Who you trying to kill, biatch? I love the smell of burning human in the morning!" >>

no shit! The first apartment i had when i moved here, had ONE. that sucker would NOT die.

a couple of years later, the neighbor had a nest of them and they crawled in through the AC rooms which connect between two apartments.

O lawdy. that was disgusting. I'd get up in the middle of the night turn on the light, there'd be like 50 of them scattering until we found the nest and whacked 'em.

i had to bleach down the counters every night to keep them off -- they don't like bleach and it keeps them away for awhile.

Ed Ward said...

rootietoot got it as for why you don't stomp them. Diatomaceous earth never worked for me, boric acid powder only slightly better, roach motels did okay, but wore out fast and ick, the smell...

Then, the last year I was in Texas, I was suddenly totally and completely roach-free. The reason revealed itself one warm evening: a pair of geckos. Now, I like lizards, but geckos are at the bottom of the lizardo-esthetic scale. They're pale green, not such a lovely color, but, worse, they're transparent! Which means, yes, you can see them digesting.

But you know what? For a roach-free home I happily put up with 'em.

Zan said...

When dealing with a NO Flying Fucker, the best thing to do is sign some sorta peace treaty with 'em and leave 'em the hell alone. Because they will win. Toss out the roach poison? They'll have a bar-b-cue and invite their friends. Buy a spider to munch 'em? They'll make spider sushi. Hell, even my Siamese who is the meanest cat known to Gods and Man won't mess with 'em.

And most of the time, they won't even fucking scatter when you turn on the lights! They'll just look at you, all "What the fuck do you want? We're about to get with the baby making here and we don't use no freaking condoms."


belledame222 said...


Lizards: I don't mind 'em. they can even be sort of cute. My mother is terrified of 'em.

Once, I remember, I had gone in to work with my father for the day (I had something to do in town, can't remember what, was hanging out in his office in the meantime). Dad gets a hysterical call from Mom: there is a CREATURE in the CLOSET. she can't go in there; she needs to go in there to get dressed to go to work. help o help.

Amused and exasperated, Dad finally decides to go back and Kill The Monster. I go with him. Thirty-forty minutes on the freeway later, we arrive back home. Mom's already left. Apparently she managed somehow. as long as we're there, we decide to see if we can't find the thing. eventually we fdo ind the Monster. tiny little pink lizard. we sweep it outside and then head back out.

--blogger word verification: awkrd.

belledame222 said...

Boric acid: my granny had tried to tell me that that was how to get rid of 'em. (my last apartment had more of a roach problem. well, more of 'em, but thank fuck SMALLER mostly). except she got confused and told me "bay leaf." i thought, "really?" but was willing to try anything. put out some bay leaves. of course eventually i end up finding the little fuckers crawling on the yummy herbs.

i love my family, i do