Monday, October 09, 2006

Get your Standard Internet Argument Form: here.

It's so easy! Just add ideologies and stir!

Person A: This is what demographic blahblah is like/says/does. And I have a problem with this, because blah blah blah.

Person B: I am a member of demographic blahblah, and i'm nothing like that, and neither are a lot of the people i know, and even wrt the ones you're closer to actually describing you're still not really getting it, have you talked to __? Have you read __?

Person A: (continues as though Person B hasn't spoken)

Person B: Um, hi. Standing right here?

Person A, or more likely sycophant of A: (wheels around and snaps): Stop trying to derail! You're (intellectually dishonest, really not who you say you are, trolling, missing A's point totally, totally offensive and way too sensitive and HELP HELP WE'RE BEING OPPRESSED hosts could you please ban).

Person B: (if sie hasn't already blown up and/or stalked off) Okay! Once more (deep breath) This is how it is -in my experience- --

Person A: (Argues with a point that Person B hasn't made at all)

Person B: Say wha?

Persons C, D, E, (perhaps just now tuning in, making up in enthusiasm what they lack in actual reading ability apparently), Well, A does have a point, because (something totally irrelevant)

Person B: No. NO. You're not HEARING me.

Person D: Well, I don't really agree with C about irrelevant thing, but say! i really like vanilla! Hey, what about that angle?

(enthusiastic murmurings)


A's Sycophant: See? SEE? Didn't I tell you all along?

Person B: Fuck OFF.

Person A: Well really: I bend over backward trying to be fair to you and this is how you respond? What're you mad at ME for? (rings down curtain on thread, continues, perhaps, in another):

Person A: And so we learn, dear readers, from the example of Person B, that (argument B didn't make) is incorrect because (something fatuous) and therefore, i was RIGHT about (demographic to which B belongs).

(enthusiastic approval from the peanut gallery)

(in the background, somewhere, Person B: :headdesk: :headdesk: :take the tablets, Tiger buddy:, more screaming, numbness, blackout).


JackGoff said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
JackGoff said...


M: Well, I was told outside that...

Q: Don't give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!

M: What?

Q: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, toffee-nosed, malodorous, pervert!!!

M: Look, I CAME HERE FOR AN ARGUMENT, I'm not going to just stand...!!

Q: OH, oh I'm sorry, but this is abuse.

M: Oh, I see, well, that explains it.

Q: Ah yes, you want room 12A, Just along the corridor.

M: Oh, Thank you very much. Sorry.

Q: Not at all.

M: Thank You. (Under his breath) Stupid git!!

JackGoff said...

Heh. I still can't get it right.

should be:

M: Thank You.

Q: (Under his breath) Stupid git!!

Zan said...

You know, that's funny and sad at the same time. I'm snickering and thinking "Dear Goddess, where have I heard that before? Oh, that's right. Everywhere!"

(BTW, if you like Indigo Girls (as I do. Huge insane would-be-a-stalker-if-my-mama-hadn't-taught-me-better sorta fan) you should totally check out their new cd. I'm obsessed with it. I can't stop playing it. Fortunately, the cats don't care.)

belledame222 said...

thanks! haven't actually heard or at least tweaked that i'd heard their stuff in ages, will be on the lookout.

Vanessa said...


Funny and yet so sad and true.

Alon Levy said...

Yeah, there are always the sort of people who give me the impression that when they say something to me, they don't really need me to be there - a cardboard cutout would do just as well.