Sunday, October 01, 2006

My all-time favorite Onion article, I think:



Denver Optometrist Not Sure Why He Has Gay Cult Following

"It's very nice of them, and I have nothing against anyone, but I just don't feel comfortable being the focus of all this attention," Podrewski said. "I don't mean to snub people, but I have my own life. Between my career and family obligations, I'm extremely busy. I'm sure John Galliano is a very talented designer, but I have a church potluck to attend the day of his runway show."

Podrewski may be mystified by the attention, but Rod Martinez is not. The author of two unauthorized biographies of Podrewski, Gene!: The Eyes Have It and Gene!: The Eyes STILL Have It, Martinez said he has a keen grasp of Podrewski's cult appeal among gays.

"It's difficult to explain to straight people," said Martinez, seated in his San Francisco apartment below an oversized, wildly colored silkscreen print of Podrewski's face. "Gene is adorable, sure, but it's not really sexual. It's more because that man has been to hell and back. He's no saint, and he has a lot of self-destructive impulses, but he's dealt with his personal demons with courage and a wicked sense of humor. He's a survivor in the truest sense and an inspiration to the gay community, which has seen its own share of pain, misunderstanding, and heartbreak."

Martinez was alluding to the many tragedies and heartaches to have befallen Podrewski over the course of his life. At age 6, it was discovered that Podrewski was allergic to penicillin. When he was 12, his family relocated from Estes Park, CO, to nearby Glen Haven, a move that traumatized the boy for several weeks. In 1981, he received a graduate degree in optometry, but that triumph was tainted by a broken engagement with radiologist Kathy Hearn and a recurring sinus infection...

For the past two years, Fagatha Christie, a Los Angeles-based lounge singer and drag queen, has honed his Podrewski impression, which he performs along with those of Barbra Streisand and Liza Minnelli. Christie said impersonating Podrewski is harder than it looks.

"A lot of Podrewski impersonators mean well and have a lot of enthusiasm," Christie said, "but doing Gene just doesn't work unless you have the right props onstage. You absolutely need a T-type applanation tonometer. Period. That's the kind Gene uses at work. And what's with the cheesy 1940s-era doctor forehead reflectors some of these queens use? Gene has never, ever worn one. Hel-lo?"

14 comments:

kactus said...

Oh dear. I was about three paragraphs down before I read the headline. I was honestly wondering what was so special about this optometrist.

Jesus. But I do have an excuse for my density, I swear I do!

tuffy said...

Ha! Great!

Rootietoot said...

poor guy...all he wants to do is check people's eyes and instead he's imitated all over the country. How incredibly strange.
I guess maybe it is a gay thing because I totally don't get it.

Rootietoot said...

AHA! It's Onion! Now I get it!

Sly Civilian said...

simply fabulous....

Stroll said...

"Fagatha Christie" is brilliant.

fastlad said...

I love comically inappropriate attachments, especially if they involve retiring optometrists and their legions of adoring gay fans.

There’s something about this characters genial but heartfelt incomprehension that delights me to my soul. (It makes me laugh so hard I have to get up and take a break).

My fav Onion articleis this one

belledame222 said...

Yes, that one is very fine.

Still, there's a level of sheer dementedness to the optometrist one that I've thus far found unparalleled.

belledame222 said...

...I do like this one as well:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38823

Veronica said...


Nothing beats Bill Gates character sheet.

belledame222 said...

Poor Bill. He will never be able to roll with the gangstas. -Or- bowl with them.

kactus said...

This is my fav onion article: Something Weird Going on at that Montessori School
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38677

W said...

Such people always draw attention to themselves.

Winstrol said...

Such people always draw attention to themselves