...we've all got something to grind.
there are holes in several of my new sweaters. i need to eat, but i can't think of anything that sounds appetizing. it's cold and dry out, and overheated and -really- dry inside.my lamp's burned out, and i don't quite seem able to muster up the whatsis to find a way to get it fixed. along with a bunch of other nagging little tasks. so, it's underlit, in here.i seem to be physically addicted to the computer, which is not good. i need to find a goddam bra that fits and i can stand wearing it for more than fifteen minutes. but i hate shopping. and i HATE bras. the cat threw up this morning, and i stepped in it.i am clumsy, doubly or triply so in this weather, and i keep bumping into shit, and no matter how many times i try to reorganize neatly, my folded clothes and folders full of papers look like ass. i fear nothing will ever change. i fear everything will change and i won't be ready. this makes me indecisive. i HATE being indecisive. i am plagued with existential angst, and an overabundance of mucus, and slight indigestion.you?
I've got a 2007 Tsuris. it's a lemon.I did not get a beautiful pink mixmonster for christmas.I haven't been up to see you to give you your present, which I actually got my shit together enough to produce, which I feel great about, but feel bad that I haven't given it to you yet. I'm really hungry. and really really lazy, so, I think I'll still be hungry in an hour or so.dude - I bet I can fix your sweaters.
The bagels in the Bay Area suck.
In early November, Happy Feminist inexplicably and most uncharacteristically dropped off the face of the blogosphere and hasn't made a peep since. Given how dedicated she was to her blog and her community of commenters, it's more than a little disconcerting.
that does suck. i wonder what happened? maybe she'll come back. even though i did not get drunk at -all- last night, i still spent part of this afternoon embracing the porcelain pony. which one of you jammy bastards gave me your hangover?
antip: aw crap. and, aw shucks. well, shit, come on up! or rather down, i guess. soon, dammit. you and K, and maybe we can coax a few others from surrounding areas to come by as well. and, you and I need to converge on Kim so that we can pet her KITTENSSSSSS
We can't all get in a room and do this organizing in person.I haven't been able to get together the time and money to visit my best friend in months.I seem to have forgotten what my hobbies are.It hurts like a motherfucker whenever my breasts touch anything.There's no Portland Complaints Choir.I don't hear the word 'tsuris' enough.
there is not one, not ONE decent diner or Chinese takeout joint in the entire neighborhood. new Chinese places open every other day, and they shove their little flyers under my door every third day, and they all, inevitably, are awful. not just "meh" but -awful.- and they won't deliver from Flushing, the bastards. produce sucks right now.it gets dark way too fucking early.they still haven't come to fix my bathroom ceiling, and i am weary of reminding them, and even when they do, sooner or later the same damn spot starts molding up again.germs! the city is full of germs! and roaches! and rats! and people! way too many people! with their noises, and their smells, and they TOUCH you in the street and sometimes you get SHOVED UP AGAINST THEM in the subway and it's REALLY ICKY and i just want a plastic or glass hermetically sealed sterile bubble to roll around in sometimes, you know, like the one Kathy Lee was in on the South Park episode? there are far too many BASTARD PEOPLE Out There. i need to go to the dentist.i have no health insurance.you know, i like salsa music, but NOT ALL FUCKING DAY AND NIGHT LONG, NEIGHBOR PEOPLE dust. detritus. little bits of torn paper with smudged-ink telephone numbers that i can't even remember who they were to or why, just that it's probably important and no, i can't just throw it away, what if i need it?i have no discernable superpowers, and this makes me cross.i need more clothes. again.fucking antidepressants have my libido/orgasm function on the mute button.i grow old, i grow old, get those goddam kids offa my lawn, and no i don't dare to eat a peach because they're a billion dollars and imported from somewhere the hell on the other side of the world and sprayed with all kinds of dire chemicals and they're hard and sour and mealy anyway, but i still want one, i probably have scurvy by nowno matter how many times i clean the bathroom floor, that corner still has a constant lingering smell of catpiss. and it's right near where my head goes if i want to take a bath, but there's nowhere else to put the catbox, really.goddam motherfucking word verification keeps with the "computer says no," just to PISS ME OFF, PERSONALLY
my goodness what a crankypants.what - is there a pin sticking you or something?
AND there's a PIN...no, not that.
I can't create metabolic water like a kangaroo rat. Fucking lousy stupid privileged k-rats. Think they're all that.
i don't know what tsuris means. at 32, i'm still ashamed to admit when i don't know what a word means.i can't get the writing done that i need to get done. and not as in temporarily tblocked. as in i never want to pick up another book or piece of paper.my dad, my siblings, and i have concluded that my mother is slowly losing her mind and we can do nothing about it.i am here now with above-mentioned mother and it's trying my patience.
I have only one complaint.Actually, I have several but this is the one I'm focusing on with the deadly supersonically delivered accuracy of a Russian anti-ship missile.My favorite tailor, a hold-out from the pre-silicon age way of doing things, has closed forever.What kind of man was my tailor?He was the kind of man who made Armani suits for me. Alright, Armani-inspired suits.What kind of suits were these?Fabric so perfectly black it was like looking into the time before there was time. Shirts so white you might believe a supernova was bursting from my chest. And the ties... Yes, the ties.These suits gave me super powers. In meetings, people absorbing orders of magnitude more capital than your correspondent would gaze on, clearly thinking, "goddamn, this mofo must know what he's talking about 'cause look at that suit." My old friend M, who the gods ordanined to be a lesbian, would see my mocha self poured into these suits, slap my ass and coo, "yeah, the whole orientation thing aside, I just might have to fuck you."If Ramses was returned to Earth and needed appropriate attire, these suits would be it. Thor would trade mjolnir for these suits and face Ragnarök well dressed, Satan offered to sell me HIS soul.Yes, they looked good and cost not a lot.And now it's all over. In time, the suits I have will become moth eaten shadows of their past selves. To save money, I'll be forced to wear Dockers."Nice Pants" the ad campaign says.No sir. No they are not.
Someone left the cake out in the rain. And it took so long to bake it, and I don't know how to make it, and I'll never have that recipe again....Dwayne!!
((anon))how are you holding together?
...Dwayne!!.............Hi there.Before I return to the meditation chamber (and by "meditation chamber" I mean the couch with a copy of Adam Greenfield's "Everyware" tucked under my arm, a PS3 running diagnostics and a bottle of mojito altering the mood) I wanted to say...Happy New Year Belle!
Here's mine:My little brother is miserable in school, like I was, but way worse. He's really smart (like creepy smart) and he should be learning and engaged and excited; instead, he's fending off jocks and suffering through stupid homework and not sleeping. And this is at the teenie arsty hippie school, which is supposed to be different.When education makes brilliant people feel like shit about themselves, there is something seriously fucked up going on. The teachers don't like him because he won't cut his hair. They are legally bound to read his IEP (individualized education plan, which explains his whole situation, which is a vaguely complicated one -- he's "gifted" in several ways, "disabled" in several others), but they don't. And they were my teachers too, so I know it's no because they're overworked and underpaid (which they are, of course) but because they're lazy stoners (seriously) and it's way easier to pick on the funny looking kid than actually DEAL WITH ANYTHING.Like most schools, that one has kids that are being abused, and in fairly obvious ways. Kids who could seriously use a call to social services. Kids who don't have enough to eat. And who's parents are they calling? Mine. To tell them that my brother is sarcastic and can't keep track of his ruler. They would rather gossip.I want to homeschool him, and I would, if I didn't have to go to school myself. Ugh. He deserves an actual education, not this stupid socialization bullshit. He's going to be as bitter and pissed off and alienated as me within the year, and I don't want that for him.The end. Whew.
daisy - what do your parents say?
They completely agree with me, right up to the point of what to do about it. I think we should pull him out entirely, but of course, the burden of actually teaching him would fall to my mom, not me, and she's busy enough. And, unlike me, they're invested in him learning to fit in, probably because they don't share my conviction that our society is going to collapse in the near future.
how many more years does he have left?I wonder where you go for advice on this sort of thing.is there a sort of "Your-brother's-special-needs Society of America" you can contact?
I want to move out of my home with my mother, but she needs companionship as much as I need solitude. Clashes ensue.I want some decent pretty clothes. In normal colors. Most of my clothing is patterny color violence, and I want something plain, yet unique and comfy.My cell phone bill is ridiculously high compared to how much I use it.My credit card bill is ridiculously low compared to how much I use it. ;)I need to do spring cleaning but spring is taking too long to get here.I miss my best friends but they're all over the place.
He has another five years after this one. The farther up he gets the more decisions he can make about his classes, though, so hopefully he'll feel at least a little better later on.And you know, I never even thought to wonder whether there was something like a "Your-brother's-special-needs Society" to get in touch with -- that's a really smart question. I'll look into it.I think you're supposed to go to the school's special ed department for advice, but it's the same thing. Lazy, gossipy people.
Daisy, I don't know how big your school district is, but the next step up from the individual school would be the regional (if the district is very large) or the district special ed. office. There may be other schools with programs better suited for him. Also, I agree about the "your brother's problem" advocacy group -if I can be so bold, it sounds sort of like Asperger's (my son has autism and the other has "Asperger's like characteristics" so I'm familiar with some of that stuff.) Finally, if all else fails, look into resources for education lawyers in your state. In Pennsylvania there is an agency called the Education Law Center that provides free advocacy for this kind of thing. Good luck.
I'm kinda bloated from the multiple glasses of water I've been drinking all day.bluemeanie called earlier, and she's had to go with her parents to see her grandparents upstate, and they're going to be bringing her back tomorrow and dropping her off here. In the mean time, WAAAAH!!!
Wow, I wrote that expecting just to bitch into the void. I had no idea helpful responses were even possible.Ruth, I'll talk to my parents about seeing what can be done at the district level (it's a small district); going outside the school hadn't even occured to me. Though he's already at the school with the best program in our area, which is part of what makes this so frustrating.He doesn't have Asperger's, but it's been looked into more than once, because, as you sensed, he's of the type ("Asperger's like characteristics," I guess). There are other people with Asperger's in my family, and he has a lot in common with them, without actually having Asperger's.Thanks again.
I am tired because I kept dreaming that I was in FF12 and the monsters were killing me, waking up, and then dreaming it all over again.My dad won't help me put on my new corset because he's terrified of it and is rapidly becoming a backseat gamer, even though he doesn't really know about FF12.I really, really miss my boy-thing in Texas.I STILL don't know for sure if I'm going to Japan next year because the Study Abroad Office people apparently don't care if we can't find a place to live after finding out we can't go to Japan.I'm really afraid I will be able to go to Japan and boy-thing will not. Did I mention that I miss my boy-thing?
I've had to take serious pain medication to get to sleep the last three nights. I hate this, because I've been really, really healthy since I made this move into my new apartment in my new town. I do not want to get fucking sick, dammit! I like being healthy.I've had a sore throat and general achiness for the last few days. I'm praying, oddly enough, that it's just the fucking flu and now a fricking lupus flare-up.I spent about 85 percent of yesterday asleep. This wouldn't be a bad thing, except it gave me a headache. Made the rest of me feel better, but gave me a fucking headache. Grrr.I have no money. None. Until next Friday. So I can't go out for New Years, which is probably okay because I have no one to go out with. My bestest friend, who I generally spend NY's with, is stuck at the hospital with both her grandparents, who have been admitted with pneumonia.I'm lonely. Dammit. I want a boy or girl of my very own, to kiss and snuggle with and ya know, fuck. *sigh* I'm beginning to think that I'm never going to meet anyone -- because I don't know HOW to meet people anymore.I have until Wednesday off due to the holidays and I will probably spend the entire time inside my apartment. Because I have no money to go anywhere and I need to conserve gas. And I've got no one I can call and coerce into driving, so we can go out and do something that I have no money to do. I want a new kitten. I rescued two strays over Christmas, they now live with my niece who adores them. I wanted them though. Desperately and selfishly. I wanted to bring them both back home with me and keep them forever. They loved me! Ran right up to me, jumped into my lap and started purring like mad things. We bonded, dammit. I love my Siamese, but she's not the cuddliest of cats. And I'm lonely and depressed and I need someone to cuddle with :(I have to take down the godsdamned Christmas tree and I'm just too tired, but it's starting to bug me sitting there, all dark and taunty.I just want to cry, because I'm lonely and think I'm going to stay that way for the rest of my life and I'm only 32. I think I'm going to go make myself breakfast and try to find something to watch on T.V. Whoohoo. Why wouldn't anyone want to share this oh-so-exciting life with me? Grr.
aw zan.that sounds awful.is there anyplace nearby you could walk to (that is within your physical limits, if any)? just to get out, stretch a little, feel the wind in your hair, something, anything?also - who knows, maybe someone reading this right now lives near you.
I try to keep up and be au courant and hip to the jive and everything, and then I read a paragraph like this …My dad won't help me put on my new corset because he's terrified of it and is rapidly becoming a backseat gamer, even though he doesn't really know about FF12.… and it's clueless newbieville time once again.(OK, so I've Mastered the Art of Google and FF12 = Final Fantasy XII, but … "corset"?? Is this one of those Wii things?)
Well, I've decided -- because I can't stand myself when I get all wallowy and shit -- that I'm going to go to the library this afternoon. I haven't gone since I got into town, so it's time for a trip. It's a free thing, ya know. I'll get my library card, find a book or three, check out their dvd selection, wow the boys there with my in-depth knowledge of sci-fi geekdom. (I've been told by a friend at the office that the two guys who man the dvd section are impressed by women who like/know scifi. So ya know, maybe I'll get a nice ego boost.)I'm also making a Plan. I'm allowed to be mopy for a day or two, but no more than that. After that, I've got to figure out a way to shake myself out of it. And really, that usually means I need to get outta the house. I need to move and whatnot. Right now, I can do some walking, just gotta watch it so I don't tire myself out. Also, I just realized, they have adoptable cats at PetCo. this afternoon. I can't adopt them, but I can go pet them.
daw, Zan. you know, i'm a year older than you, and i know what you mean. but, we are young. heartache to heartache, we stand..(sorry, having a Pat Benetar moment).and i totally get the kitten lust. have you seen Kim's babies? (scroll down over the most recent three or more posts for pics and a VIDEO) i want to STEAL THEM
No promises, no demands . . .Alas, the library is closed today and tomorrow, I found out. Doh! I talked to my mom instead, found out how the strays I rescued this weekend are doing. Apparently, they've claimed a space at my niece's house ;) They're little mouse murderers, which is what my brother wanted. Mom said she took Kady home last night to find both kittens curled up in the laps of her parents, so all is good. Which makes me happy, but alas I cannot steal them now.
* Cannot get rid of these fucking fleas!*Still battling this damn-ass anxiety and its meddlesome symptoms.My lot, until my brain gets bored of it, I suppose.*Keep losing $$ at work: hours cut, insurance going up.*Worry about work -- am I really the right gal for the job?*Miss the horses, too broke, busy and slightly depressed to persue them right now.*Mia's apnea is freaky.*I've gained some weight -- pants are tight. *Want my hair streaked w/blonde and black -- too broke to get it done.*I'm fucking bored to tears w/my "wardrobe."*I need more of a social life but I'm too broke, busy and slightly depressed to persue it right now.*I'm sluggish and couldn't ride a horse for shit at the moment anyway. Need to step up my physical activity but (say it with me!)I'm too broke, busy and slightly depressed to persue it right now.
I have hungry head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone else is drunk as fuck a basically passing out where they are, and I'm stone sober.I'm going to have to help bluemeanie back to the bedroom soon, and I'm kinda not looking forward to it. She's a mean drunk.Insomnia is a cold-hearted son of a goat, and cares not for the demands of Teh Chupacabra.I'm real damn torn over posting over at Twisty's to apologize for being such a jerk in a few respects. I felt I was right in the argument, though not in my presentation of it, or in my BS that basically amounted to blackmail. Fuck, I hate drunken posting, and I hate my own vitriol even more.People are still drinking here and it's 2:40 in the morning. I got nowhere to be tomorrow, but damn.I'm on the computer too goddamn much. I'm fucking pathological. Jeebus.
My nephew is in Baghdad (army), and my brother doesn't seem to care. My health is continuing to deteriorate. We're just about outta money. My bunny is cranky.
Hey bd222, you want miso soup when you need to eat but don't want to ... and a wacoal bra when you need a bra but hate them. In my opinion.Tsuris:1. Cleaning lady stood me up, so I have to do own cleaning, which normally I do not mind, but which I am too tired to do.2. Sister in law says she is envious of my PhD (why? she has one too). This is bad for my relationship with my brother - very bad - since my sister in law wants to be the only PhD-woman he ever talks to.3. I lost my glasses, and they are expensive glasses.4. There isn't a grocery store I really like in this town.5. There are too many blog wars!!! I lack patience for all of these blog wars, is there something wrong with me???
i think i have the flu, actually
Shit. It's flu season, innit?Hope you feel better, BD. You definitely need to stock up on tea, lemons and honey.
hang in there zan!
*passes out Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream to everyone* I have discovered that this ice cream, it is the cure for all badness. Seriously, I was trying to get to World Market yesterday to look for some curtains for my bedroom and I got lost! (Look, I've only been in this town for two months. Some roads, they do not lead where I think they led.) Anyway, I'm driving home, having given up on my curtain shopping, all down and depressed and thinking "Dammit. I want ice cream." And what should appear? A Walgreens! (Cause they're like every block here, but whatever.) So, pull in, fish out the two dollars I have on me, get my ice cream and....*sigh* suddenly, I no feel so bad.Plus, I cleaned my freaking house yesterday. And I realize now, I need more furniture.*eyes BD* Flu, huh? Okay, you get OJ and chicken soup too. Now, go to bed! Wait, take some aspirin first. . .
Um, ballgame, that's an actual corset, not an obscure gaming term, and those two things were only related because the main problem is Dad. Also, *hugs* for all with troubles, sorry, can't offer much else, except sleepytime tea, which, when combined with an unholy amount of sugar, makes me happy. However, I think I'm going to complain some more now, because I'm kinda upset. The main reason is that I've finally realized one of my former best friends and ex-gf has gone all way into fundiehood, because when I told her I chucked my virginity, she immediately replied, "lol, you're gonna get HPV" then after I explained about safe sex and how I'm practicing it, she followed up with "birth control=abortion." So apparently I'm a disease-ridden, baby-killing slut. Which wouldn't bother me, except that she was a really cool person before, and should I discover who's been indoctrinating her, I'm going to yell at them a lot, starting with "Fuck you." And well, she was my friend and stuff. I also really wish the website where I publish my poetry hadn't added a hit counter, because every time I look at it, it depresses me. I'm not a great poet, but I'm not terrible either, I don't think, and it would be cool if people read me and told me how to get better.
From the moment the first Mercedes-Benz CLS four-door "coupe" was introduced to the public, other German luxury automakers hit the drafting board. According to the German auto experts at AutoBild, Audi is just over a year away from unleashing its own cleverly packaged sedan.carwadontester981
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