Monday, September 11, 2006

So. Here we are.

Just repeating a post i made in the comments box over at Ilyka's, where she was talking about the Kubler-Ross stages we may or may not have finished going through since That Day five years ago.

well. and here we are five years later with even yet more a fuck of a lot more to be angry about.

as someone who's been living in NYC, i think, you know, a lot of us may even have more processing to do (didn't lose anyone personally thank God, but: yeah, close to home, you'd say). those days and weeks and months afterward--well, maybe it was the same all over. anthrax! duct tape! spasms of outrage and loopiness and paralyzing numbness and terror and black pits of despondency and then start all over again!

and now, what is the word? disgust? is that a good word? yeah, i'd say.

impotence, howling frustrating hand-clawing-at-empty-air....gahhhhhhh.

existential bleakness.

shame, yes.

tiny little saplings of hope which keep getting crushed, it feels like.

feeling like the ground has been pulled away.

and much much more!

so: fuck this administration with their grandstanding and their posturing and pulling away the football and trampling all over the fucking place for photo opportunities "hey, let's take it out on the completely wrong country 'cause we were gonna do that at some point anyway;"

fuck the "loyal opposition" for acting like a sack of wet pasta in the face of all this and then wondering why o why don't people have faith in them anymore.

fuck the myopic fucks who simply can't understand -why- anyone in the rest of the world might have any sort of general problem with U.S. policy, particularly -now-;

fuck cynical exploitive sociopaths like Bin Laden (who, again?); fuck our own cynical exploitive sociopath Fearless Leaders; fuck zealous brainwashed ideologues who'd rather be right than live, much less let live; fuck puritans, fuck theocrats of all stripes, fuck Rush Limbaugh and his ilk and their endless hard-on for the Clintons, oh my GOD fuck that noise, fuck Oliver Stone and his bombastic crap and Kevin Bacon as well, fuck heartless corporations, fuck oleaginous whited sepulchres, fuck vile mouth-breathing keyboard warriors endlessly wanking to other peoples' misery and suffering and death and caling it "patriotism," fuck so-called lefties who spend more time on bullshit conspiracy theories and filleting each other in a splendid re-enactment of the Peoples' Front of Judea than actually coming up with something helpful, and yes, fuck me too for sitting on my ass in a state of paralyzed numb rage and grief and "ooh, shiny thing" instead of doing anything about it or even beginning to wonder what i -could- do about it, for the vast majority of the time.

"God fuck us, every one."

and happy fucking anniversary to all y'all too, fuckers.


I am in the mood for some sweeping generalizations, today.


and, well, you know, i will say this for My People, if that is what we are (i.e. the loosely-defined left or at least liberals): we tend to have, my theory by me, "issues" wrt anger. in general, i mean.

you know: it's destructive. it leads to violence. it's IRRATIONAL, and the thing about the loosely-defined...well, a lot of us, really, not actually sure where the ideology markers break down, in fact...but, we have our ideological roots in the Enlightenment. which, lord knows it's not like any of the dudes back then never got angry--witness Voltaire or any of the Founding Fathers--but, you know. -Rational.- Let's all take a deep breath and really examine this in the calm light of day. At least. and, too: we root for the underdog, and, well, it's hard for a lot of people to completely get behind bombing the crap out of people "back to the Stone Age" when they're ALREADY more or less in the Stone Age.

and yes, sure, you get a LOT of anger at the proper targets, esp. among your more radical factions, but you notice it's always directed (in peoples' minds at least--hey, maybe this is a universal thing, at that, who knows)--upward. Fight The Power. not each other. except when we do, and we just can't understand how this happens, can't we all just get along?

so that's one thing.

and then, not to let the rest of y'all, the loosely-defined right, off the hook here, yes, it is true, there is i would say on the whole an over-reliance on that particular emotion, anger, to the exclusion of more vulnerable-making emotions. grief, "terror," shame. compassion. heartbreak. despair. pity? love, even? yeah, believe it or not.

and hey: anger feels PRODUCTIVE. it feels like you're DOING something. and oh yeah: that feeling, it can also be rather ADDICTIVE. adrenaline rush: duuuuuuude. nice.

but christ forbid we ever break down and see what's BEHIND all that rage.

"Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord."

yeah. terrific. that's been working out so well.

oh, yes, and: Go shopping. Buy something. That, too. That always helps.

"The lights must never go out.
The music must always play,
Lest we should see where we are;
Lost in a haunted wood,
Children afraid of the dark
Who have never been happy or good..."


Rootietoot said...

So different, you and I, yet so alike in so many ways.

The only reason I don't say "fuck 'em all" is I don't want my DAR/DRT/DoC ancestors to rise from the grave and smite me with their dainty lace gloved hands. They wouldn't approve of such language.

belledame222 said...


but really, you know, how much could smiting hurt, with such dainty hands?

oh, yeah. quite a lot, actually. never mind...

(have you been over to Ilyka's, p.s.? you might enjoy, i think)

midwesterntransport said...

some days generalizations are a coping mechanism. sometimes a little righteous anger ain't so bad.

just as long as it doesn't get in the way of productivity.

oh, and this reminds me a bit of "a dry white season," which i just got through reading for what i think might be the second time? did i read it in high school? seems like it might have been a required book, but i can't remember.

ANYWAY, point being it's worth a read because sections of it feel awfully relevant, what with all of the references to "terrorism," all of the "detentions," and all of the inhumane actions of government branches on behalf of the Great Idea.

i learned from a statement that one of the characters made, though, something along the lines of (paraphrasing): "there are two forms of madness that should be avoided. one is that you can change everything. the other is that you can't change anything."

belledame222 said...

sounds about right.

yea. I keep going back to Orwell, again and again, myself: because above all else he is very very big on the idea that flawed humanity is worthwhile all by itself.

Mandos said...

Manuel Trackbackez:

transitorrie said...

I feel righteous anger and indignation.

I hide myself in denial and pretend it doesn't hurt.

I weap when I realize I can't pretend.

I remember the day in startling detail and wish I could forget, wish it would all go away.

But I can't and I won't and I shouldn't.

antiprincess said...

aw, darlin'.

Veronica said...

Well, on a different note, I posted those kitten pictures. Kittens can't cure all the worlds problems, but they are a decent band-aid occasionally.

ehj2 said...

it's not fucked up to feel fucked up in a fucked up situation.

Christian Slater
True Romance

Rootietoot said...

I have never been to Ilyka's,p.s. How would I go about that?

Care for a bowl of Jewish Penicillin? Just made and cures what ails ya.

Rootietoot said...

Duh. Nevah moind..I see the link now.

belledame222 said...

yes. thank you. hugs, chicken soup and kittens. or possibly kitten soup and hugging chickens. no, maybe not that. anyway: thanks, all.

gandhi rules said...

Belle, I'm moved, I really like.

EL said...

Thanks Belledame. I tried to write on this topic, but it's hard. ::whines::

Seriously though, I don't know how to articulate it, but I appreciated the vicarious expression of reading your post.

belledame222 said...

Thanks, I'm glad.

Alon Levy said...

Did you live in the City five years ago?

belledame222 said...


Caren said...

I know people who lost loved ones on that day and the the drive past the Pentagon during the mass exodus from D.C. will forever be burned in my memory. But because the administration has twisted the horrors of that day for their own devices I found it hard to properly mourn the loss of lives. I have not written about it on my blog, ever, because some of my feelings are not considered "proper" (ie the US used to be friends with bin Laden, but we can't talk about that).

belledame222 said...

bin who?

and Saddam, of course; but, well, forget that, too; we have always been at war with Eurasia.

belledame222 said...

(how's China, btw?

"very big, China"

--no, i registered at your blog, but hadn't gotten back there to log in, thanks for stopping by and reminding me)

Caren said...

I'm loving it so far, thanks for asking!!! Where we live is VERY flat. I've to take more pictures.

Suzanne said...

Other than hating Kevin Bacon (which I am curious as to what he did that I missed to incur such wrath), I am completely with you on this. And I was here 5 years ago, too. Any thinking person who was here has to hate the administration for using this terrible event for cutting taxes, invading Iraq, and generally mucking up anything left that was worthwhile.

belledame222 said...

since all is six degrees from Kevin Bacon, he is at the center of all that is Wrongness.

more to the point, he's currently starring in that Oliver Stone 9/11 pic, the mere previews of which sent me into fits of hives and snarling.

other than that, nothing particularly against him.