So. Here we are.

Just repeating a post i made in the comments box over at Ilyka's, where she was talking about the Kubler-Ross stages we may or may not have finished going through since That Day five years ago.

well. and here we are five years later with even yet more a fuck of a lot more to be angry about.

as someone who's been living in NYC, i think, you know, a lot of us may even have more processing to do (didn't lose anyone personally thank God, but: yeah, close to home, you'd say). those days and weeks and months afterward--well, maybe it was the same all over. anthrax! duct tape! spasms of outrage and loopiness and paralyzing numbness and terror and black pits of despondency and then start all over again!

and now, what is the word? disgust? is that a good word? yeah, i'd say.

impotence, howling frustrating hand-clawing-at-empty-air....gahhhhhhh.

existential bleakness.

shame, yes.

tiny little saplings of hope which keep getting crushed, it feels like.

feeling like the ground has been pulled away.

and much much more!

so: fuck this administration with their grandstanding and their posturing and pulling away the football and trampling all over the fucking place for photo opportunities "hey, let's take it out on the completely wrong country 'cause we were gonna do that at some point anyway;"

fuck the "loyal opposition" for acting like a sack of wet pasta in the face of all this and then wondering why o why don't people have faith in them anymore.

fuck the myopic fucks who simply can't understand -why- anyone in the rest of the world might have any sort of general problem with U.S. policy, particularly -now-;

fuck cynical exploitive sociopaths like Bin Laden (who, again?); fuck our own cynical exploitive sociopath Fearless Leaders; fuck zealous brainwashed ideologues who'd rather be right than live, much less let live; fuck puritans, fuck theocrats of all stripes, fuck Rush Limbaugh and his ilk and their endless hard-on for the Clintons, oh my GOD fuck that noise, fuck Oliver Stone and his bombastic crap and Kevin Bacon as well, fuck heartless corporations, fuck oleaginous whited sepulchres, fuck vile mouth-breathing keyboard warriors endlessly wanking to other peoples' misery and suffering and death and caling it "patriotism," fuck so-called lefties who spend more time on bullshit conspiracy theories and filleting each other in a splendid re-enactment of the Peoples' Front of Judea than actually coming up with something helpful, and yes, fuck me too for sitting on my ass in a state of paralyzed numb rage and grief and "ooh, shiny thing" instead of doing anything about it or even beginning to wonder what i -could- do about it, for the vast majority of the time.

"God fuck us, every one."

and happy fucking anniversary to all y'all too, fuckers.

ON EDIT:

I am in the mood for some sweeping generalizations, today.

So:

and, well, you know, i will say this for My People, if that is what we are (i.e. the loosely-defined left or at least liberals): we tend to have, my theory by me, "issues" wrt anger. in general, i mean.

you know: it's destructive. it leads to violence. it's IRRATIONAL, and the thing about the loosely-defined...well, a lot of us, really, not actually sure where the ideology markers break down, in fact...but, we have our ideological roots in the Enlightenment. which, lord knows it's not like any of the dudes back then never got angry--witness Voltaire or any of the Founding Fathers--but, you know. -Rational.- Let's all take a deep breath and really examine this in the calm light of day. At least. and, too: we root for the underdog, and, well, it's hard for a lot of people to completely get behind bombing the crap out of people "back to the Stone Age" when they're ALREADY more or less in the Stone Age.

and yes, sure, you get a LOT of anger at the proper targets, esp. among your more radical factions, but you notice it's always directed (in peoples' minds at least--hey, maybe this is a universal thing, at that, who knows)--upward. Fight The Power. not each other. except when we do, and we just can't understand how this happens, can't we all just get along?

so that's one thing.

and then, not to let the rest of y'all, the loosely-defined right, off the hook here, yes, it is true, there is i would say on the whole an over-reliance on that particular emotion, anger, to the exclusion of more vulnerable-making emotions. grief, "terror," shame. compassion. heartbreak. despair. pity? love, even? yeah, believe it or not.

and hey: anger feels PRODUCTIVE. it feels like you're DOING something. and oh yeah: that feeling, it can also be rather ADDICTIVE. adrenaline rush: duuuuuuude. nice.

but christ forbid we ever break down and see what's BEHIND all that rage.

"Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Lord."

yeah. terrific. that's been working out so well.

oh, yes, and: Go shopping. Buy something. That, too. That always helps.

"The lights must never go out.
The music must always play,
Lest we should see where we are;
Lost in a haunted wood,
Children afraid of the dark
Who have never been happy or good..."