Finally managed to coalesce some thoughts wrt the school of feminism that says, basically, this or that sexact or mode of adornment is wrong because it *hurts women,* in some general, collective sort of way.
Well, a couple of things.
Ultimately, you know, I think basic communication is a really good thing and would be a great part of feminism as well.
Because, see, one of the other tenets of feminine training, I gotta say this, is the expectation that if someone -really- loves us, they'll know what we think without us having to, like, tell them. And vice-versa.
and no, sadly, lesbians are not exempt from this, p.s.
There was a woman somewhere on one of the major feminist blogs who had a line related to this, something about, how did it go: well, okay, say -some- woman -really does- like deep-throating (anal sex, something, whatever it was the implication was she didn't really get how -anyone- could actually enjoy it); but then she breaks up with the man and now the next woman he dates (i.e. me) he'll expect her to perform the same actions; and then what, huh?
And I am sitting here thinking: okay. This is a -hypothetical scenario.- So presumably this is a guy you'd -want- to be dating, not a rapist, not some creep; it's your imagination, you can imagine this however you want. And in all your -feminist- imaginings, of -all- the scenarios that come to your head, you can't or aren't conceiving of oh I don't know something that goes like:
"Honey? I know your last girlfriend really liked anal sex, but I don't."
"Oh, okay! Thanks for telling me. Well, let's not do that, then."
And, see, the other thing is, if you -are- talking that bluntly and clearly about what you do and don't want and yer partner still isn't respecting it; well, you know, -that- is a bigass problem;
but maybe, you know, in that case, the problem isn't -actually- about sex, but something more fundamental?
Just putting it out there.
And on that note:
One of the tenets of abuse, or at minimum manipulation,in any form (of which male-to-female abuse is certainly one big component), is this transation:
"If you REALLY loved me, you'd ____."
Which could include such things as: anal sex, wearing those godawful heels, deep-throating, whatever it is that you find degrading and awful and he's just not hearing. Or even stuff that doesn't seem to directly affect him -at all- but would make him "happy;" i.e. you stop seeing that loudmouth friend of yours. Stop reading those books. Quit your job.
Well, I get that. Bigtime.
It's creepy. And wrong.
But here's the thing.
Those let's say relational patterns? They don't just disappear and go away because we've gotten out of that particular abusive relationship. We can, in fact, do unto others what's been done to us. And no, in fact, the fact that whatever-it-is you're supposed to have done is now completely off the menu doesn't mean you still can't be abusive or at least manipulative/controlling wrt something -else.-
So this is how I read that whole list of: wearing lipstick, shaving, this or that behind closed doors, what you -think- about, being "not feminist," how we really ought to at least think long and hard about these choices and -consider- maybe giving them up (not that we're forcing you or pressuring you or anything):
"If you REALLY LOVED women (including me), you'd do this for me."
You know what, though?
And if that means the end of the relationship, despite everything else we've had, well, too bad, but: so be it.